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If KOTOR 1 and 2 were remastered, what small story changes would you make to improve them?

For me, I’d probably develop Darth Malak a bit more (make him seem more tragic while at the same time scary), as sometimes he seemed too much like a cartoon villain with evil laughs and no clear motives (that are visible without reading deeper into the lore).
For KOTOR 2, I’d add significantly more cutscenes and dialogue to develop the story and make it more polished. For example, the final ‘quest’ on Malachor would be much longer and would properly tie up each characters’ story. I’d also make Sion kill Atton, Atris kill Handmaiden and Nihilius kill Visas to give the story a more tragic ending.
What do you guys think?
submitted by TheHobogoblin19 to kotor

KOTOR 2 Experience: I'm sorry, that's not "an unusual sound." That's f*ing screaming. You call it, "screaming."

"KOTOR 2 Experience" is a parody based on real play sessions of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2, The Sith Lords (with TSLRCM). SPOILER WARNING: These stories are targeted towards those who have already finished KOTOR2 and the original. They will spoil you so hard the milk in your fridge will curdle. And your neighbor's fridge, too.
DESKTOP CLASSIC REDDIT USERS: If the text goes horizontally off the screen, click here to temporarily switch to New Reddit for just this one page. Just hit "Back" to go back to Classic Reddit when you're done reading. Sorry!
Index | Previous Episode (There's no time to explain. Ok there is - I just don't want to.)
(Scene: The Harbinger, docked at Peragus Mining Station. It is eerily quiet.)
Kreia: (Stops walking and looks off into the distance.) Something is wrong... I sense no one on board.
Atton: "You sense no one on board?" Sense any assassin droids creeping up behind us like last time?
Me: I'm pretty sure there was only the one.
Atton: That's not the point!
Kreia: Everyone here has been slain, yet there are few signs of battle, no carbon scoring, no blaster fire. This place has been hit by assassins of a different sort.
Atton: How can you tell? We've barely stepped on board! In fact, how can you see at all with that hood down so low?
Me: No, she's right. Everyone here's dead. I've seen it, too.
Atton: You guys are both nuts. Okay, if everyone is dead, what are we doing on this ship? We were better off in the facility!
Me: Were we, reeeeally?
Atton: You two are supposed to be Jedi? You two are the worst Jedi I've ever met!
Me: Hey. (Snaps fingers in Atton's face.) Focus. Put the panic away, it's just gonna get you killed. This is the only way out. Everything else is sealed from the facility. I know, I explored all the maps. All the RPG "go here" signs point this way.
Atton: (Crosses arms and glares.) I'm not panicking.
Me: How many Jedi have you met, anyway?
Atton: (Pauses.) That's not the point.
Kreia: If the assassin machine was correct--
Me: "Assassin machine?" It's okay, you can say "murderbot".
Kreia: (Pauses for a long moment, looking in my general direction, then lets out a slow breath.) If the assassin machine was correct, then we cannot reach the hangar... be silent, I need some time to think.
Atton: "Be silent"? Who put you in charge? I don't have to sit here and wait for a cryptic hooded woman - whose name I still don't know, by the way - to tell me what to do.
Kreia: I cannot think if you continue prattling on. You will kill us with your inane chatter when we should be planning.
Atton: Planning?? I'm not allowed to plan, it seems. I have to "be silent"!
Me: (Steps between them.) WHOA. Time out. Okay, it seems we haven't all been properly introduced. (Gestures to Kreia.) Atton, this is Kreia, she's got Force powers and her hobbies include cryptic speaking, withholding information, and imitating a corpse. (Gestures to Atton.) Kreia, this is Atton, some sarcastic dude I rescued from jail who promised me he'd be useful while we escape. There, now you know each other and we're all friends. Right?
Atton: (Glares at me.) Did you have to mention the "jail" part? (Turns glare to Kreia.) Well anyway, thanks. Now I have a name to go with the attitude. Should I call you Countess Kreia? Queen Kreia?
Kreia: (Presses a hand to her temple.) We still have no plan and I cannot think with this blather!
Atton: How about Empress--
Me: (Shouts.) What about the fuel pipe?
(Atton and Kreia pause and look to me.)
Atton: Fuel pipe?
Me: Yeah, when the Harbinger docked, a fuel pipe came out and latched onto it, probably to refuel it. What if we crawl down that?
Atton: Wouldn't that be - I dunno - full of fuel? And not just normal fuel, either, the kind that if you sneeze wrong you blow up half of a planet? (Points out a porthole in the general direction of Peragus II. The planet hangs, half-exploded, out the window.)
Me: (Shrugs.) I don't know what to tell you, man, that's what the game says I'm supposed to suggest here.
Atton: This is the stupidest idea ever. Even if we did get to that ship in the hangar, we'd need the orbital drift charts, unless you want to have the shortest flight out of Peragus ever recorded. We'd need to, like, get them from this ship's navicomputer or something.
Me: (Pauses, then makes a "go on" gesture.)
Atton: ...That's the plan, isn't it. Get to the navicomputer, crawl through the fuel pipe, then bust out of here on that ship in the hangar?
Me: Seems like it.
Kreia: It is a sound plan for the moment.
Me: "For the moment?"
Kreia: It is said that no plan survives contact with the enemy.
Atton: We're so gonna die here.
Me: Love the optimism, guys. Keep it up. (Rolls eyes. Turns and starts walking down the hall.) Well, let's get going.
Kreia: (Follows.)
Atton: (Doesn't move. Is staring at something in the distance down the hall past me and Kreia.)
(I stop and look back at Atton. Kreia stops as well.)
Me: Well, are you coming?
Atton: (Frowns, keeps staring past me.) You guys said everything was dead here, right?
Me: Yeah. Very very dead.
Atton: (Slowly pulls his blaster out of its holster.) Then what is that?
(Kreia and I both turn in the direction he is looking. A few meters up the hallway something shimmers faintly in the air.)
Me: (Squints up the hallway.) Dafuq... What is that? It's not close enough for me to target. (Takes a few steps closer.)
Atton: (Raises his blaster and aims.)
Me: Oh, there we go, now I'm close enough. The targeter's got it, but I still don't see... (Looks back to Atton.) Calm down, man. It's in blue. That means it's not hostile. Look, the label says--
(The shimmer waves violently and dissolves away to reveal a man completely dressed in black, swinging a large staff at my head. The targeting reticle turns red.)
Me: --Sith Assassin! FUCK.
(Scene: Harbinger briefing room.)
Me: Oh, hey, records! Let's see what they left for us on here. (Walks up to console and starts tapping on it.)
Atton: Is this really the time to be snooping on someone's diary?
Me: (Tap tap.) It's not a diary, it's a log.
Atton: Is there a difference?
Me: Yeah, one of them is kept as a record in case something goes wrong, and another one is where you write down who you have a crush on in study hall. (Tap.)
(A log begins playing. The speaker is the Captain of the Harbinger.)
Atton: So who do you have a crush on in study hall?
Me: Shut up! (Studies the face of the man in the log.) Does he look a little like a young Steve Martin to you?
Atton: Who's Steve Martin?
Kreia: (Sighs and shakes her head.)
(Log explains how the Harbinger was diverted from Onderon to the Outer Rim for a high priority mission. Captain is worried about losing territory, but follows orders anyway.)
**Captain:* As ordered, we've picked up the passengers from the Outer Rim, and have made quarters for them. Once aboard, we've plotted a course for Telos. We expect to arrive within ten standard days, provided there's no mishaps. I've been ordered to give the passenger no special treatment, nor make any indication of her identity.*
Me: Oh, that's got to be me. ...Wait, why did he start saying "passengers" then went on to say "passenger"? Did he pick more than one person up? Was I traveling with someone?
Atton: Why don't you know these things?
Me: This is one of those games where they drip-feed you the story as you go.
Atton: ...Uh huh... (Steps back behind me, faces Kreia, nods towards me, then twirls his finger around his ear.)
Kreia: (Ignores him and continues watching the log.)
(The log goes on to describe how they got a distress signal from a freighter and will request permission to investigate.)
Me: I wonder if that was the Ebon Hawk. That would match what that Homicide-In-A-Can told me. (Tap.)
(The next log plays.)
**Captain:* We wanted to check with you, sir, before diverting course from Telos. There appears to be some battle that has taken place in the sector, and we've received a distress signal.*
**Carth:* You have permission--*
Me: (Exaggerated gasp. I grab Atton's arm and shake it excitedly while staring at the log.) Look! Look!
Atton: Uhhhh... (Carefully extracts himself from my grip.) What? Is there something on his shirt?
Me: I know him! It's Carth! Hi, Carth! (Waves at the recording.)
Atton: (Gently knocks on my forehead.) Galaxy to Merkuri. It's a recording. He can't hear you. And how do you know an admiral?
Me: He was in the last game! Wait, "admiral"?
Atton: Yeah, if you'd been listening instead of squealing like a schoolgirl. When he signed off he said "Admiral Ossy".
Me: (Scoffs.) It's "Onasi".
Atton: Whatever.
Me: (Taps the console and the log starts over from the beginning.) Good for him for making admiral! I knew him when he was just a hotshot pilot.
Atton: (Rolls his eyes.) Well, whoopty do. (Glares at the hologram.) Is this your Mr. Study Hall?
Me: Huh?
Atton: (Mutters.) Never mind.
(Log continues.)
**Carth:* The ID signature on the freighter... did you get confirmation on it?*
**Captain:* Yes, sir. We did not have the vessel listed in our databanks, so we transmitted the code to you - was there a match?*
**Carth:* There was, Captain. If you find any trace of that vessel - even wreckage, I want it.*
Me: That was definitely the Ebon Hawk sending the distress call, then. Carth would be very interested in that ship. He and Revan were on it for a while.
Atton: This guy knew Revan? ...Wait, Revan flew on that ship that's in the hangar??
Kreia: This is not the time to be discussing such things.
Me: (Turns back to Kreia.) You are such a party pooper. You're probably going to tell me I'm not supposed to talk about when I was Revan, right? Hey, you were supposed to be on the Ebon Hawk when the Harbinger picked it up, weren't you? Can you corroborate any of this? Why were you sending a distress signal?
Kreia: (Points back to the recording, which is still playing.)
Me: (Turns to look.)
**Captain:* ...knows what the left hand is doing. I'm always being kept in the d--*
**HK-50:* Query: You sent for me, Captain?*
Me: OOOHH, you metal bastard!
**Captain:* Yes, I need you to check on the passenger again, see if there's anything she needs. Try not to be too obvious about it. Her safety is our top concern.*
Me: That fucker *told *him to watch me!! Ahh, what an idiot! (Yells at log.) You just handed me to him on a platter, do you know that?!?
Atton: Still can't hear you.
(I growl at the hologram. Without looking away, I point behind me at Kreia.)
Me: Don't think you can distract me that easily. This isn't over.
Kreia: Of course not.
Me: (Taps at the screen a few more times.) That was the last log. (Closes down the console.) Okay, let's keep finding our way to--
(I turn back to the door and gasp, then draw my vibroblades. Atton takes my cue and draws his laser. Kreia reaches for her beacon, then stops.)
Reginald the mining droid: (Stands in the doorway. Beeps seven times.)
Me: (Rolls my eyes and sheathes my blades.)
Atton: No! No sevens! (Angrily holsters his laser.) Do you even see any cards?? (Opens his hands to the droid and speaks slowly.) See? No... cards!
Reginald: (A compartment in the droid opens, and an entire deck of cards flup-flup-flups out onto the floor in front of us. Some of them are blackened from an explosion.)
Atton: (Looks up at the ceiling and groans.) I hate droids.
Me: (Carefully walks past Reginald, who is blocking most of the doorway.) Hey, you programmed him. (Starts heading down the hall.)
(Kreia also similarly makes her way past Reginald and follows me.)
Atton: (Looks down at Reginald and gestures to the cards on the floor.) What, do we live in a barn? Pick these up! (Kicks a few of the cards. Scoots past the droid into the hall.)
(Reginald slowly reaches down and carefully picks up one card, then another, then another. The party's footfalls recede down the hallway in the distance.)
(A door opens. Behind it, the Harbinger's bridge is filled with dead bodies.)
Atton: (Hisses through his teeth.)
Me: (Grimaces. Starts to carefully work her way through the corpses towards the front of the bridge.) Yeah. This is just about how I remember it.
Atton: You were here before?
Kreia: (Deftly picks her way among the bodies behind us.)
Me: Yeah. Remember when I was spacewalking and blacked out? This is where I went.
Atton: Yikes. Did you see all these people die?
Me: No, they were all dead when I got here. I assumed Mr. Needs-Moisturizer did it.
(I get to the navicomputer, place a datapad next to it on the counter, then start tapping at the console.)
Me: There. (Picks up the datapad.) It got damaged, but I rerouted past the bad parts. We've got the orbital drift charts. They're good for the next hour or so. Oh look, more logs! (Plays logs.)
Atton: Uh huh. We've now got a strict time limit to get off of this death rock, but yeah, we can stop and watch some vids. No rush.
Me: Shhh.
(The first log describes again the Harbinger receiving an emergency codes from a freighter - presumably the Ebon Hawk - under attack by Sith forces. I play the second log.)
**Republic Soldier:* The Sith warship is empty, sir - we attached an umbilical and sent three strike teams through it, and there's no sign of a crew... or its commander.*
Me and Atton together: Shit.
Me: (Looks at Atton.) That's where all the see-through Sith came from.
Atton: Those idiots should've just blown up any drifting Sith warship they came on.
Me: Don't they know to use a space condom when hooking up with strange dead ships?
Atton: (Blinks at me.) Did you just describe this ship as an irresponsible necrophiliac that contracted an invisible Sith assassin STD from a corpse?
Me: Shush, they're still talking.
**Soldier:* The freighter's empty, too, we did a clean sweep, and nothing except a lone T3 unit, badly damaged.*
Me: (Turns to look at Kreia.) Did you turn invisible, too?
Kreia: (Remains silent.)
Me: (To Atton) She's got points in stealth. She could've managed it, I think.
Atton: Or she wasn't there.
Me: Hmmm...
(I look at Kreia for a moment. She doesn't react in the slightest. I puff out a defeated breath and play the next log.)
**Officer:* Everyone on board the Ebon Hawk was dead, sir... we're starting autopsies within the hour.*
**Captain:* What about that Sith corpse we retrieved from the warship?*
Me: Hold up... being full of dead bodies and being empty are very different things. I mean, "everybody was killed in the fight" is a lot different than (creepy voice) "then who was piloting it???"
**Officer:* ...looks human, but he's... fractured in several places.*
Me: Oooh, that's Mr. Needs-Moisturizer.
Kreia: Must you refer to him that way?
Me: (Turns to glare at Kreia.) Well, someone won't tell me his actual name!
Atton: How do you know it's the same guy?
Me: That's right, you haven't seen him yet. "Fractured" is a good word for him. He looks like somebody baked him out of clay then smashed him against the wall a few times and glued him back together.
(Next log starts.)
**Officer 2:* Sir, I just picked up an unusual sound from the medlab...*
(Screams and crashing, followed by a voice saying, "I have come for the Jedi.")
Me: (Snort.) I'm sorry, no. "Unusual sound" is like a weird womp womp or a whistle or alien musical notes from Close Encounters. That's not an "unusual sound". That's fucking screaming. If you hear screaming, you describe it as "screaming".
Atton: To be fair, screaming is not something one usually hears coming from a medlab.
Me: Mmm... that kinda depends on the skill of the surgeons.
Me: (Throws the lid off of a random container.)
Atton: What are you doing?
Me: (Rifles through the container.) Looking for loot.
Atton: Seriously? Now? We're on a ship filled with dead bodies and haunted by invisible Sith, and you're looking for "loot"?
(I pull a medpack out of the container and toss it to Atton. He catches it awkwardly with an "oof" sound.)
Me: Where do you think I get all this crap from that I use to save our lives? Not looting in an RPG is playing on suicide mode. Go open those cargo containers over there, yeah?
Atton: (Rolls his eyes and begins shuffling through containers.)
Me: (Opens the next container. Pulls out something, examines it closely.) What the hell is this? Let's read the item description. (Takes out a datapad, holds it up to the thing, taps a few times.) Oh my god!
Atton: (Heads over.) What? What is it? Did you find another clue about what the hell's going on here?
Me: No, I... I can't even... (Starts giggling. Holds out the object, which looks like a belt.)
Kreia: (Walks up and looks at what I'm holding out.) It appears to be a shielding device.
Me: (Giggling.) Yeah, but... the description... it's... (Words devolve into giggling. Holds out datapad.)
Atton: Give me that. (Grabs the belt and datapad from me. Taps the datapad a few times and holds it up to the device. Reads out loud from the datapad screen.) "Electrical Capacitance Shield. This shielding device, worn around the waist, absorbs and stores electrical energy directed at the user, which is then released slowly over a period of time, dissipating harmlessly. The manner of release generates vibra--" (Trails off.)
Me: (Is red in the face from holding in laughter.) Keep going!
Atton: Oh, grow up! (Tosses the datapad back at me.) That is not what these are for.
Me: (Clumsily catches the datapad, still trying hard not to laugh.) They named it "The Tingler". (Collapses into giggles.)
Kreia: I fail to see the humor in an electrical shield.
Atton: Yeah... you wouldn't.
Me: (Catches her breath.) Okay, I'm good now. (Holds out open hand to Atton in a "give it here" gesture.)
Atton: Nope, I'm gonna keep this one.
Me: What?? Come on, I'm the one who's got the infinite inventory pack. I carry all the shit.
Atton: I don't trust you with this right now. You don't need any... distractions. Tell you what, you can have it back after we get clear of Peragus with all of our limbs attached. Deal?
Me: Fine. Spoilsport. (Heads to another container, then pauses, turns, and starts rummaging through inventory pack.) Hey, do we have any blasters that shoot electrical energy? Preferably really low wattages?
Atton: (Facepalms.) Worst. Jedi. Ever.
Please remember to properly mark spoilers in your replies. This is a blind run, and I'd like to keep it that way. The Markdown syntax for spoilers is >!this!< or use the button for spoilers in the "fancypants" editor.
Index | Previous Episode (There's no time to explain. Ok there is - I just don't want to.)
submitted by Merkuri22 to kotor

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