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The Elmwood Experiment (Part 2)
The next few days went by in a monotonous routine of pizza deliveries amidst a wild array of obsessive conspiracy theories. Brooks, if that was even his real name, was housing a zombie. A real, live… well, dead, walking corpse.
I needed to tell someone, but who would believe me? I couldn’t go to the police without proof. “Excuse me, officer. Yes, during the course of my felonious burglary I couldn’t help but notice that the mad scientist had a caged zombie in his basement.” No, no that wouldn’t work at all. I needed to get proof before I went to anyone.
The lack of sleep mingled with a nagging paranoia was catching up to me as I sleepily walked into Dom’s Pizzeria that Saturday night. A wild storm raging against the filthy glass windows, doing nothing to repair my frayed nerves. At least tips were better in crappy weather. Carrie was in the kitchen with the new kid flattening out some dough. Dom was nowhere in sight.
“What’s up, Carrie? Where’s Dom?” I asked.
“Called in sick.” She grunted. “Can you believe that?”
Despite the lunacy I witnessed over this past week I was still shocked by that news. Dominick Vanderlini never called in sick. How would the peons operate without his omnipotent guidance? I walked to the rear of the kitchen to grab my wrinkled uniform shirt, a cheap polo with “Dom’s” stamped crudely on a breast pocket. I wrestled it over my head and tried to push my fatigue away.
The rear of the kitchen was littered with wrappings, flattened out cardboard, and other garbage that you’d find in any restaurant kitchen. Dom was too cheap to rent a dumpster, so his minions had to wade through the cheese stained refuse every week until their budget waste management hauled most of it away—or until we could sneak the bulk of it into the dumpster rented by the QuickStop Drugstore next door.
I was zoning out, staring at the trash when I saw it. My heart stopped and my breath caught in my throat-- a four leaf clover seated on a star. The same symbol I had seen in Brooks’ basement. It was stamped on a flattened out cardboard box. I slid the box out from under the heaping pile of trash. The packing slip was still partially attached, flapping in the air like a cheap flag. It simply stated “5lbs Mozzarella Cheese. York Dairy Corporation.”
My tired mind raced as I struggled to piece this morbid puzzle. Did Brooks have some kind of affiliation with Dom’s cheese supplier?
This experiment aims to render the supplement [REDACTED] tasteless and able to be cooked into various products.
Like… pizza? Oh man, this wasn’t good.
[REDACTED] will be administered throughout a small population…
I could feel the nausea creeping up on me as my mind recalled the text to that strange experiment.
Finally, the study will examine the lasting effects of [REDACTED] as its viability for widespread dissemination.
Widespread dissemination? Dom’s was the only place in town that delivered food. What better staging ground to “disseminate” some kind of pathological agent? Something that could turn us all into freaking zombies!
I needed to talk to Dom, and I needed to talk to him now. I grabbed the phone, my grip threatening to crack the cheap plastic. I anxiously listened to the monotonous ringing. “Pick up pick up pick up” I desperate thought as the rings continued. No answer. Resigned, I hung up the phone. I sprinted past a bewildered Carrie.
“Carrie! Don’t eat the cheese! Don’t even touch that stuff! It’s… uh, Zombies… uh, no time to explain! Just don’t eat the damn cheese!” I nearly broke the shop door off its hinges as I burst out of the shop. My Pontiac’s tires squealed out of the lot as my frantic mind raced to keep up with the explosive conspiracy that battered the frail walls of my sanity.
The cheese. There was some kind of biological agent in the cheese of the pizza. The caged nightmares in his basement… were these the unfortunate victims of eating this stuff? Was he experimenting with this biological weapon, perfecting it before he could move onto the next phase?
I tried to think about who I had recently delivered pizzas to. Have they been reduced to mindless shambling horrors like the morbid prisoners in Brooks’ dungeon? My thoughts careened around my chaotic mind like a kamikaze pilot that can’t find its target.
It hit me. George Brunaker. I delivered a pizza to him on Culvert Ave about a week ago. That’s as a good a place as any to start.
Stop signs seem like loose suggestions when your adrenaline exceeds a certain level, and I sped toward Culvert Ave with a vengeance. I was there within minutes. I recognized the rusted push mower still forgotten next to the dirt stained siding of the derelict residence. Sloppily parking at the curb, I ran across the neglected lawn to the front door. All of the curtains were drawn despite being well after noon. It reminded me of Brooks’ house, and I didn’t like it. I’m not sure what I was hoping for as I banged on that door, I guess I just wanted to see a living, breathing human being. I wanted some kind of confirmation that my imagination was to blame for this entire ordeal, and that everything was okay.
I held my breath and waited for what seemed like an eternity. I mentally prepared myself for an undead monstrosity to crash through the door, hungry for my brains. What I was not prepared for, however, was the well-dressed, well-mannered man that answered my knock.
Clean shaven face and a clean shaven head, this man’s demeanor screamed “military.” This wasn’t George Brunaker, an unhealthy middle aged man who would have been wearing a pair of dirty sweat pants, his mood as inhospitable as his hangover.
“Can I help you?” the strange man asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Uh… yeah. Is George home? I need to ask him something.” The hair on the back of my neck was standing on end. This mysterious stranger wouldn’t fully open the door, and his body blocked my view from seeing anything inside. I could hear something else in the house… something moving.
His face twisted into an insincere grin as his calculating eyes swept over me; measuring me. “George had to go to the hospital, he’s quite sick, I’m afraid. I’m not sure when he’ll be back.” I simply stared, mouth slightly hanging open.
He slowed his speech, as though I was simple. “I’m his cousin, Mark. Told him I’d watch his dog for him while he was gone.” I could hear a noise behind him, something shuffling around in the darkness of the home. “Are you… are you okay, kid?”
I didn’t give him the chance to grab me. I dashed across the front yard, knocking a plastic flamingo to the dirt. A bewildered “Mark” watched my car recklessly careen down Culvert Ave. I shot a glance in my rearview mirror and saw him hastily pull a cell phone from his pocket. I hit the curb hard and hastily put my eyes back on the road.
He saw my face, probably got my license plate, too. I’ve watched enough movies to know how this is going to end. I’m screwed. I’m so screwed. I should have known that the US Military had some hand in this. I was over my head. Way, way over my head.
I had to talk to Dom, and I had to talk to him now. He knew something about what was going on. I considered his saliva glistening lips mouthing “Of course, Mr. Brooks…” on the phone the other night. He knows Brooks, he might know about this… this experiment.
I’d never been to Dom’s apartment, but I knew where it was. He talked about the place constantly. His “kickass pad,” he called it. I suppose that’s what you can call an unfurnished one bedroom apartment if you’re a “glass half full” kind of guy. I nearly lost control of my Pontiac as I roared up Rosedale Ave. A simple sign adorned a parking lot entryway; “Rosedale Apartments.” Easy enough.
I took up about three parking spaces and didn’t even bother taking the keys out of the ignition. I darted into the lobby, stopping briefly to scan the dozens of thin mailboxes adorning the wall. I tapped my finger off of a bronze lid: “D. Vandelini; 323”
I took off down the hallway at a dead sprint, stopping at an elevator to repeatedly mash the “up” button. The cheap gold paint reflected a warped but anxious expression like a funhouse mirror. I could hear the soft buzz as the elevator began its agonizingly slow decent. I shuffled my feet in anxiety, eyes darting back and forth. After what felt like an hour I decided that three flights of stairs probably wouldn’t kill me.
I nearly knocked over a startled maintenance worker. The small step ladder that had been tucked beneath his thick arm clattered to the ground. “Sorry!” I shouted as I sprang past him, bounding up the stairs. I could hear colorful curses echoing up the stairwell as I pushed through a sturdy white door with a large black “3” stenciled on it.
My sneakers padded off the thickly carpeted hallway as I ran. Gaudy yellow lanterns marked each apartment door, bathing the corridor in a cheap, sickly yellow light. A small gold “323” brought me up short. Hunched over, I tried to catch my breath. A fit of coughing racked me as I doubled over in the hallway, hands on my shaking knees. I really should be doing more cardio.
The door opened to reveal Dominick Vanderlini, a look of pure confusion on his face.
“Derick? Did something happen to the shop? What’s going on? Are you okay? Why are you here?”
“Dom…” I panted, “Brooks… basement… cheese… zombie… brains…” my words spilled out in an unintelligible flood of nonsensical hysterics.
Eyebrows raised in apparent concern, Dom rested a pudgy hand on my shoulder as I struggled to slow my breathing. My rapid pulse hammered in my ears, drowning out his whiney voice.
“Take it easy, man. What’s gotten into you? Why don’t you come in and we can talk about this?” he opened his door to reveal wall-to-wall cliché and predictable zombie posters. I shuddered.
Dom ushered me into his humble and passably clean apartment. A lonely leather sofa sat in the middle of the room facing an oppressively large television set. Bookcases lined the far wall, hundreds of DVD’s on display like a battalion of soldiers awaiting an inspection. I ventured a guess that they were an assortment of zombie flicks.
“Now, what’s the problem?” Dom asked, rubbing his belly with his hands, a poor attempt to convince me that he’s actually recovering from some ailment and not playing hooky from work. I forced my eyes away from Dom’s macabre movie collection.
“Remember the other night? I delivered a pizza to Bryan Drive?” I asked. Dom parted his pudgy lips to utter a reply when I heard something—it sounded like water running. My eyes moved to a closed door at far end of the room. I heard the squeak of a sink faucet and the water cut.
“Funny you should mention that,” Dom chuckled. The bathroom door opened, and none other than Dr. Lawrence Brooks waltzed out of the bathroom. His eyebrows raised in surprise as recognition dawned on his face.
I didn’t give myself time to stare in disbelief before I fled, knocking a table lamp over as I scrambled out the door. I could hear a shout and breaking glass from behind me as I sprinted back down the hallway at a record pace. The angry custodian in the stairwell offered a very creative slew of curses as I skipped the last 5 stairs, landing hard. My thighs pumped furiously as I exploded out into the parking lot.
I dove into the Grand Am, the engine roaring as I peeled out. Burning rubber stung my nose all the way back down Rosedale Ave.
I couldn’t settle my frantic and chaotic mind.
It all made sense. Dom and Brooks were in cahoots—they were working together on this sick project. Dom did this willingly, an eager participant in this twisted scheme. He sacrificed his town and countless innocent people so that he could live out some perverse zombie fantasy of his. I always knew that Dom had an unhealthy obsession with zombies and monsters, but I never thought that he would bring actual harm to anyone. Brooks was constructing some kind of biological weapon that was engineered right into the cheese that they use on their pizzas. Whatever the hell it was, it was turning people into shambling brain-eating corpses straight out of a low-budget horror movie.
That was the only plausible explanation.
Despite some obvious government involvement, I still had to go to the police. What else could I do? I still needed proof, though. At least some kind of hard evidence. There’s no way the cops would break into Brooks’ basement without a warrant, and I doubt that “suspicion of cannibal zombies” would reach their burden of probable cause.
The paperwork. I needed that experiment abstract from his basement, and maybe take some pictures of the caged zombie he has down there. In and out, real quick-like. That was the only way—hard evidence.
A short while later I found myself parked in Brooks’ empty driveway, breathing hard. An overly curious neighbor peered out of their window, the white plastic blinds obnoxiously rattling as a pair of eyes peered through. I didn’t care, it was time to get a handle on this situation before the apocalypse dropped on Elmwood like a bomb. Hell, when this was over I was going to be a hero.
Trying to look casual and failing badly, I jogged around to the rear of the home. I tugged on the door to find it locked this time. Committed at this point, threw caution to the wind and I booted the door in. At least I tried to. A painful shock bounced up my leg as I kicked the door dead center. It didn’t budge. I kicked it again and yelped as my knee absorbed the turbulence. I took a large step back, gritted my teeth, and jumped toward the door with the strongest kick I could muster.
Wood splintered off the frame as the door exploded inward, its small glass window shattering into a million tiny pieces that rained on the tile floor. The familiar moaning from the basement roared through the empty confines of the house, seeming to challenge my intrusion.
Riding a brief but intense adrenaline dump, I dashed down to the basement and straight up to the familiar steel table. The manila envelope was gone. Damn. The grunting and slobbering was getting louder and louder from the cages. Desperate. Hungry. Angry.
I rummaged through cabinets and drawers, looking for that mysterious envelope. I needed this. I was going to be a hero. I rifled through stacks of paperwork, carelessly throwing them across the room. Where was the damned abstract?
Resigned, I decided I could still try to snap a picture of the creature. Slowly and cautiously I approached the caged beast, reaching into my pocket for my cell phone. I could hear heavy breathing from underneath the thick plastic tarp as gooseflesh raced up and down my arms. Without allowing myself to give this any further thought I snapped the tarp with a flourish like a magician revealing an illusion. The black tarp floated through the air and landed in a heap behind me. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
I was looking at a goat.
A pair of goats, actually, their large black eyes expectantly staring at me.
What the hell?
One of the goats bleated, the groan bouncing off the concrete walls. Oh no.
A sudden commanding shout shocked me so badly I nearly fainted, the edges of my vision rapidly fading to blackness as I froze.
“Hands! Show me your hands!” I could hear the unintelligible murmur and rough static of a police radio. Without thinking I put my hands above my head. I allowed myself a brief glance over my shoulder. A young police officer was crouched down toward the bottom of the steps. I felt a wave of relief despite the fact that I was staring down the muzzle of a handgun. Brooks’ nosey neighbor probably saw me kick the back door in and called the cops.
“Officer! Thank God you’re here!” I shouted breathlessly. “The guy who lives here, he’s creating…” I cast a confused and uneasy glance at the goats that were bleating and snorting. “Uh… he’s putting some kind of infectious stuff on cheese... on the pizza, don’t you see! It’s getting out! This is some kind of military experiment! We’re all going to die if you don’t do something!” The dark barrel of the officer’s firearm looked as unamused as his face.
“Lie down on the ground, and keep your hands where I can see them. Slowly.” He craned his neck, positioning his mouth next to the mic clipped to his lapel. “He’s down here in the basement. I have him at gunpoint.” I could hear a tinny “10-4” echo through the mic as another pair of footsteps rapidly descended into the basement. I closed my eyes and felt the rough metal handcuffs close tightly around my wrists.
I was roughly hoisted to my feet. “Officers! Please! You have to believe me!”
“What… just what in the hell is going on down here?” a voice shouted from the kitchen upstairs, I recognized it as none other than Dr. Lawrence Brooks. “Why is there a police car in front of my house?”
Heels clicked on soft wood as Dr. Lawrence Brooks marched down the staircase.
“You the homeowner here, sir?” asked the officer.
“Yes…” his dumbfounded eyes shot back and forth between the officers and myself.
“Brooks! You sick bastard! I know! I know all about the experiments!” I screamed, the officer roughly yanking me back as I lunged toward Brooks.
The old man’s expression grew in confusion. “Aren’t you the pizza boy? What are you talking about, experiment? My nutritional supplement experiment?”
“The…” my world began to collapse as my overwhelming stupidity became all too apparent. “The nutritional what?”
“Well, it appears that you’ve done your fair share of snooping around my home, so I may as well share.” His confused expression became one of annoyance.
I grew desperate and bolstered my wavering resolve, pressing forward despite common sense. “You sick bastard! You and Dom! You’re spreading some… some kind of disease! You’re creating monsters! Admit it, Brooks! You’re not getting away with this! You’re trying to create some kind of… some kind of zombie apocalypse!”
Brooks scratched his gray hair and shot an uneasy glance at the officers. One of them shrugged. “I’m a retired nutritionist, young man. I now work for York Dairy Corporation as a consultant and I’ve been conducting research on an enhanced strain of Vitamin K on a prepared food source by way of a… genetically engineered goat’s cheese,” he gestured toward the caged animals. “I suppose administering the supplement to a population without express consent is arguably unethical, but it’s hardly illegal. Vitamin K is harmless. Actually it’s quite beneficial. As for Dom, well he is a close friend of mine. We met a zombie convention last year, we’re both enthusiasts of the genre. He was kind enough to allow me to use his Pizzeria as a… staging ground, of sorts. We were monitoring complaints of any distaste from the replacement cheese. So far there has been none.” He smiled proudly.
The walls of reality closed in as my carefully constructed theories began to crumble into dust. “What about George then?!” I asked accusingly, fighting to keep the embarrassed desperation out of my voice.
“George?” Brooks’ calm smugness was infuriating.
“Yeah. George Brunaker. He ate that pizza and now he’s gone. Vanished. Military type of guy is in his house now, tried to tell me George is sick. I’m not falling for that crap, Brooks. Where’s George?”
“The gentleman on Culvert Ave? Yes, a very unfortunate bout of food poisoning, I’m afraid. I was notified by Dom shortly after it happened. We were concerned it had been my cheese, but that wasn’t the case. We narrowed it down to a bad batch of mushrooms.” Brooks wiped his reading glasses with a handkerchief. I did remember Dom telling me throw away a few batches of mushrooms last week… I think I forgot to throw them away…
“As for who’s in his house currently,” Brooks continued, “how should I know? Perhaps a friend or relative?” He scratched his neck and glanced at one of the officers. “I highly doubt it’s a CIA operative or an FBI agent, if that’s what you’re thinking.” One of the officers chuckled at that. “Officers, you may remove this youth from my home. And I thank you.”
“The blacked out bits on your paperwork… Redacted. The secrecy… why?!”
“This new strain of cheese is not yet patented, they don’t want their clever brand name stolen by anyone who might… snoop around.” He turned his back to me.
The officers began to haul me up the staircase, my legs bumping against the wooden stairs. I made one last desperate accusation… “I heard it, Brooks! I heard it yell for brains!” Brooks’ annoyance shifted to an infuriatingly patronizing pity. He grabbed a small remote control from the table and pointed it toward the far end of the room. A television snapped on, displaying an old zombie movie.
“I watch TV while I work, child. I usually keep the volume up pretty high, the goats can get pretty loud. You really do have an imagination, don’t you?”
Defeated at last, I allowed the officers to remove me from Mr. Brooks’ home.
The r/MtvChallenge Fantasy Tournament: Redemption House - Day 23 (Semifinal #2)
Before we get to the voting, let’s recap last night’s fantasy match-ups.
Real World Bracket
- u/ry-guy2fly’s “Team Backpack” - 58
- u/RohAnTheMaker, u/giogugenishvili’s “The Silent Assassins” - 59
I, for one, am sad to see Team Backpack exit the tournament. Does CT deserve a semifinal run? No, dammit! He deserves a win, now and always. And what better way to advance to the finals than untangling, memory-ing, puzzling, eating, and running? That is a final tailor-made for a team with both CT and Aviv if you ask me.
I’m glad that RohAn and Gio were able to win this match though because I still feel bad that they lost their main bracket semifinal by one vote. Who knew a team with KellyAnne and Ninja could get so dramatic? Oh, everyone? Oh right.
But truly, I see the Silent Assassins as having a more team-y composition than Team Backpack. CT wasn’t Dad yet, so he and Mike Boise would have been a little too High T for Aviv and Brittini to corral to the extent necessary to tackle all of these puzzling components as a team. I really do understand why the match was this close - both teams have excellent players and a diverse set of skills - but in the end, this one went to u/RohAnTheMaker and u/giogugenishvili. Congrats, guys! And to u/ry-guy2fly, this ends your time here on the MtvChallenge Fantasy Tournament. Take care of yourself.
Road Rules Bracket
u/hkotila’s got there.
I do want to take this time to congratulate u/appropriatelywhelmed on an impressive run, though. I personally dislike Dustin a lot, but Cohutta, Cooke, and Veronica are all extremely likable players who got about as far as they could’ve hoped for in this tournament.
This final seems super fun, like one I’d want to do in real life and actually expect to complete. To be honest, I’m not sure what it would take to separate yourself from the pack on this final aside from endurance. I suppose people just saw CT and voted for him, or felt bad that they voted against him in the Real World match. I could absolutely see the team of CT, Dan, Mattie, and Amanda working together as a team on this puzzle-piece scavenger hunt and excelling with ease, but truth be told I think Dustin, Cohutta, Cooke, and Veronica would not have fared as poorly as the voters made it seem.
So, to u/hkotila, congratulations on getting a team named Satan’s Asshole into the finals of the loser’s bracket! Dreams do come true. And to u/appropriatelywhelmed, as I said above, I’m really proud of how far your team came. Better luck next time!
Now, let the voting commence!
Real World Bracket
Match: u/BCastle18 vs. u/drgibbons3323’s “Team Walnuts”
Final: The Duel II
- Landon Lueck, Fresh Meat II
- Sylvia Elsrode, Final Reckoning
- Natalie Negrotti, Final Reckoning
- Adam Kuhn, Battle of the Exes II
- Paulie Calafiore, War of the Worlds
- CJ Koegel, Battle of the Seasons (2012)
- Paula Meronek, Rivals II
- Tori Deal, War of the Worlds II
- Landon in the night elimination against Luke and Ev literally dragged a almost unconscious Carley to a win and in the finals carried Carley up a mountain to get the win over 3 teams that on paper seemed stronger one of which included two top 10 challengers of all time in Kenny and Laurel with the weakest partner. Also did all of this while being respectful and supportive of his partner throughout showing he is very much a great team player.
- Only one team was in the main house all season on FR, it was Sylvia and Joss. They won the final endurance purge and won it rather comfortably. Showed that she can keep her composure in their elimination against John/Tony and many even believe that Sylvia and Joss were the rightful winners of FR, they also only lost by 40 seconds even while getting hit with two grenades.
- Paulie Calafiore – War of the Worlds I Stats: In Tribunal 6 out of 12 dailies ; Won first Challenge against all Vets ; Eliminated in Final Purge; Eliminated Kam and Ashley C in only elimination Summary: Paulie showed up and showed out throughout the first installment of the War of the Worlds. Placing in the top of 6 of the 12 dailies and controlling his own destiny throughout the season. He showed great bouts of cardio, puzzle solving, and food eating throughout his challenge history up to this point. Was eliminated in the final purge due to diving into the water headfirst and stunning himself, he was unable to complete what is normally a walk in the park and was eliminated prior to the final. Paulie is an awesome finals teammate if paired with the correct people, we saw what happened when Natalie ruined the first day for them in final reckoning. He excelled in all challenges throughout WOTW1 and was a finals threat (Turbo would have still won) but he has shown he is no slouch. He is determined to never quit even if his body would like him too. His puzzle solving is top of the line and he could carry any team in a puzzle checkpoint of a final to a sweet sweet victory.
- CJ Koegel – Battle of the Seasons 2 Stats: Won 2 of 6 dailies ; Beat roided out Zach in a Hall Brawl Elimination (Eliminated due to Jasmine being blanked) Summary: Lets be honest, CJ was never going to win battle of the seasons II with the teammates he was put with. But they still managed to win two daily challenges and he is one of the few to best Zach in anything physical. CJ was a physical specimen with the tenacity of a warrior who was unfortunately paired with a lackluster team in BOTS2. However, it was shown that he is an absolute team player and has the knowledge and strength to run a final. He is most known for besting Zach Nichols 3-2 in a Hall Brawl elimination (Winning the first round 2-0) when Zach was at his biggest by using extremely smart strategy to outsmart the behemoth who is no mental slouch himself. CJ deserved to be on more challenges after quitting after two challenges, he was not one for drama but in the right team would dominate in a final.
- Paula “Walnuts” “Iron Stomach” Meronek – Rivals II Stats: RIVALS II CHAMP; Won 6 out of 10 dailies; No eliminations this season Summary: Paula along with her partner Emily put together one of the most dominant seasons in Challenge history. Winning 6 out of the 10 dailies and only being in “trouble” to go to elimination by virtue of being voted in one time. But they managed to avoid elimination throughout the entire season. The Rivals II final consisted of Cardio, puzzles, eating disgusting dishes, strength, and more cardio. Paula and Emily fell behind early through the first two stages, but then the “Iron Stomach” showed everybody who deserved to win that final. She absolutely housed the eating portion of the final, and the rest is history. Paula and Emily went on to win Rivals II and Paula walked off into the sunset a 2-time champ. Paula was always known for being a finals threat. She wasn’t the greatest at eliminations but there was no true threat for her to be in an elimination throughout the entirety of Rivals 2. With her top of the line cardio, her insane eating prowess, and her determination of a champion, Paula is an ideal teammate to have in a final.
- Tori “The New Choo-Choo” Deal – War of the Worlds 2 Stats: Purged out in the puzzle portion of the final ; Won 9 out of 14 dailies ; 2 elimination wins Summary: CHOO CHOO! The Tori Train is on the tracks and is prepared to take down anyone in a final. With her incredible endurance throughout the season and unwavering confidence, anybody is lucky to have Tori on their team in a final. She absolutely housed anybody put in front of her and was known for being the first person to turncoat in WOTW2. She absolutely destroyed a physical specimen in Jenny West in a physical elimination. Her finals performance was one for the books until a stroke of genius from Dee and Rogan purged her out at the last minute. Team UK was destined for victory no matter who were the top 4 from that purge. Tori was known for having a god like endurance and relentless grit during WOTW2. She was highly regarded as the best female that was on the show with her cardio, swimming prowess, and overall above average intelligence. A puzzle did her in at the last possible second of the final but she showed that she was never going to quit and I am convinced she could have carried the gurney all 16 miles if needed. All in, she is one of the best overall females to compete throughout the Challenge history and she will come back to prove that.
Thank you to u/ry-guy2fly for the deets! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you are just 2 fly.
- Final Location: Queenstown, New Zealand
- Final Challenge Summary: Endurance race with five checkpoints. Each checkpoint is a representation of the duels throughout the season.
- Start of the Challenge: Starts off with a pretty kickass boat ride.
- Run 1: Hop out the boat and run down the beach. The ground is covered with stones. The competitors run to a rope that you must grab to help you cross through the river to the other side. There seems to be a very strong current. When you reach the other side there’s more running on the way. Change into some dry gear and start running down some pavement. The show cuts back to Evan and he is scarling a pretty steep hill. Finish the climb up the hill and it’s a short run to the next checkpoint. Checkpoint 1 Spot On: A mini version of spot on is set up for the competitors. Grab your puzzle pieces and put them in place. Somewhere between 8-10 puzzle pieces. This puzzle seems incredibly simple. You’re just matching together painted line patterns without any of the climbing you had to do in the elimination version of the game.
- Run 2: Seems to be a simple run along the hillside. It doesn’t show the competitors doing much of not here. Checkpoint 2 Duel Pole Dancing: Climb up a tree. Simple climbing with no real obstacle other than your ability to grab ledges. Except for Evan, who hilariously carries the bike up the pole.
- Run 3 Biking: You ride this bike for quite a ways. The trail is beautiful, but is up and down with steep hills. It seems as though the girls aren’t able to ride these slopes and walk with their bikes instead. It seems as though the guys are struggling a bit, but biking through it. At one point they show Rachel on a hill that looks impossible for anyone to ride up. They don’t show any guys on this slop. Checkpoint 3 Back Off: The guys have to wait for the girls to get here. First guy gets first girl and so on. You have to carry a big ass metal wheel as you and your partner and continue the race together. This checkpoint is so shitty on so many levels.
- Run 4: You and your partner run with the metal hook. I just said this, but hey, let’s keep this thing organized. Checkpoint 4 Push Over: You and your partner push your sled over a designated line. Each sled is filled with dirt, you can remove some dirt to make your sled lighter. Once this is done you lose the ring and it’s back to an individual race.
- Run 5: This part of the race seems to be incredibly hilly. Not much of a path, just running up and over hills. The run looks steep. Not as steep as hill 2, but still steep. Checkpoint 5 Elevator: Get in the elevator and lift yourself up to the top, grab some carving, and get back down. There is a short sprint to TJ after you get off the elevator.
Match: u/phillyfly11’s “CJ’s Angels” vs. u/wade5554’s “You Cannot Copy My Walk”
Final: Free Agents
[u/phillyfly11] “CJ’s Angels”
- Emily Schromm, Rivals II
- Ashley Kelsey, Invasion of the Champions
- CJ Koegel, Battle of the Seasons (2012)
- Mike Boise, Battle of the Bloodlines
- Turabi “Turbo” Camkiran, War of the Worlds
- Adam Kuhn, Battle of the Exes II
- Jenny West, War of the Worlds II
- Da’Vonne Rogers, War of the Worlds
[u/phillyfly11] “CJ’s Angels”
- Emily Schromm, Rivals 2: In the wise words of the Godfather Mark Long, “She competes like a dude.” The most physically fit female competitor ,Emily dominated Rivals 2 with 6 daily wins en route to winning the season.
- Ashley Kelsey, Invasions: I chose this version of Ashley because she was in better physical shape and has running and winning a final experience and a great team player.
- CJ Koegel, Battle of the Seasons 2: Was the Leader of Team Cancun that won 2 dailies and was a part of the major alliance. He proved his ability to think on his feet and his physical strength by defeating Roided up Zach in his HALL BRAWL heat.
- Mike Boise, Bloodlines: One of the top performers the entire season, he proved that he wasn’t afraid of any task, asking multiple times to get thrown into elimination and that he has a killer mindset during competition."
- Turbo’s biggest strength is his endurance and heart. He was able to win the longest and arguably most difficult final ever. He will give his team everything he has and push his body to the limits. He did well in puzzles, finishing fourth in the purge, as well as winning the daily where they were spinning in the plane and had to solve the puzzle. His swimming ability could be called into question because it was not shown, but based off his other abilities I would say he is an average swimmer. He ate one plate during the eating portion, but with the amount of heart he has I think he could compete with the best in an eating final. All in all he is a well rounded competitor that is elite in endurance.
- Jenny has been underrated by many people because of the fashion in which she lost the hall brawl against Tori. She obviously has never played any contact sports growing up so she did not know how to play that elimination. But looking back to some of the dailies she was clearly the best runner as well as swimmer on the women’s side of the UK team. I think as far as endurance running and swimming she is right up there with the Laurel and Emily’s of the challenge. She may be slightly below elite tier because of the unknown. She absolutely beasted the puzzle against Nicole Bass, but it is hard to tell how quickly she finished because Nicole basically quit. She had shown to be a really good teammate and always keep a good composure under pressure. She has never run a final or done an eating challenge but it is safe to say that she would be very strong in both based off her training and performance in dailies.
- Da’Vonne’s strength is puzzles. She absolutely demolished the purge, and also showed she was strong in puzzles on Final Reckoning. She is super underrated in strength and conditioning. In most possibly the hardest daily on the season, her and Wes won the challenge where they had to drag the metal to the dumpsters and weigh them. (The challenge where Ninja freaked out on Turbo). Wes was upset when he got stuck with Da’Vonne and she beasted it and won. Also, Bear quit on her in the other endurance daily with the tires, yet she kept going. She may not be in the best shape but she will never quit or hold her team back. She is also a very strong vocal leader, which is important to have in team finals. Also, she is the QUEEN of the challenge, if the other people let her make a final someday, she will for sure win it.
- Adam was a very solid competitor. He won three eliminations in his six episode stint on the show. He was able to beat Dustin and Jessica in a physical climbing elimination, John and Simone in a eating competition, and Knight and Jemmye in a strength challenge. He did all of this with Brittany as his partner, who was not very good at any of the challenges they did. He never did any swimming so that is an unknown that some people may hold against him, but I am pretty confident he can swim better than the other teams weaker swimmers. Again he won an eating elimination, and was in fantastic shape on his season, so the endurance should be no problem for him. He did not have high tolerance for people that were weak performers but in a stacked team like he is on for this he would be willing to put his ego aside and compete as a team to win.
- Pairs - Race out to the middle of the river, grab the boat, Kayak down the river in pairs, average time to finish 40min-1hour
- Pairs- 10k run, 2,000 ft elevation increase, run up the trail where a puzzle with cities across the world needs to be put in order from the most northern point to the southern part, average time: 1 hour 20 min - 1 hour 34 min
- Race up the trail/ huge mountain, elevation increases, 2hr 20 min- 2hr 52 min
- Camp - bike 25 miles on stationary bike before you can sleep for the night, average time 1hr -31 min, Devyn finished 2:45 min
- ~4 ish hours of sleep for competitors
- Final stage- climb a volcano with ice picks and snow boots (snowy conditions) tap the flag at the top, time stopped, air thin/elevation increases, average time 2hr-3hr, Devyn finished 4 1/2 hours
Voting ends at 10 PM EST Wednesday, February 19.