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Update 11/10/2020 PC: 188.8.131.520 / Mac: 184.108.40.2060 Console: Version: 1.33
Welcome, Simmers! A relaxing getaway sure sounds nice right about now. We’re inviting you to take a trip with your Sims to your favorite destination with the newly added ability to vacation anywhere within The Sims 4! Here at Maxis, we’ll be hitting the slopes of Mt. Komorebi with the release of The Sims 4 Snowy Escape in just a few short days. Curious how it works? Read on! We’ve got a big haul of new features and requested fixes in this major update to The Sims 4.
-SimGuruGraham and SimGuruRusskii
NEW & IMPROVED FEATURES
Platforms enable you to build rooms at varying heights within a story level. As much as we’d love to sit here and go on and on about how incredible platforms are and how they completely revolutionize Build Mode, you’ll see that for yourself as soon as you try them out in-game! Here are some basics for how they function and how you start building with them.
You either can use the new Platform Tool directly in or you can place preset platforms that come in various shapes and sizes. You’ll find both of these within the “Walls and Empty Rooms” section of Build Mode.
You easily can add or adjust the height of a platform in any room. Simply click on a room to select it, and the new up & down arrows in the widget that appears will allow you to add or adjust the height of a platform within that space.
Because platforms can have their height adjusted up or down, you can even create platforms that sink down beneath ground… like, really, really deep down. I don’t know why anyone would want to do that \cough\ devious players *cough*, but the option’s there! This ability to go deep is reserved for the ground level and basements.**
You can stack platforms on top of platforms, on top of platforms, on top of platforms, on top of platforms, on top of platforms… Seriously, go nuts. Get creative. Make something nobody has ever seen in The Sims before!... On top of platforms…
When a platform’s height is a single step higher or lower than the adjacent floor, Sims are able to step onto it. For anything higher than a single step, connecting a set of stairs or a ladder between the different surfaces will allow Sims to reach them. Here’s your first advanced lesson in platforming: Remember that callout about stacking platforms on top of each other? If each stacked platform is a single step in height, you could certainly make some interesting custom staircases…
- One notable exception - platforms can’t connect across multiple levels. If you build a stack of platforms all the way to the ceiling, the very last step will need to be a staircase or ladder to connect two separate floors of a building together.
The visual look of platforms can be customized in a variety of ways. The “Walls and Empty Rooms” section of Build Mode now has a “Platform Trims” subcategory. Here you’ll find trims that match all of our foundations as well as some new trims with basic materials that look perfect in the interior of a building. Want to go even further? Try wrapping the edge of a platform with half walls and then customize the edge with any wall material. Mix and match these methods for creative results!
Even More Half-Walls
Speaking of Half-Walls, we’re pleased to share that we’ve created 12 additional Half-Wall heights to choose from, adding to the 7 heights previously available. One could factually say this is our most sizable Half-Wall update ever! Pity the poor person who was tasked with writing uniquely descriptive names for each of these 19 height variations.
Sentiments are those special fuzzy feelings that form between Sims when they share a memorable moment together. Shared experiences between Sims now offer the opportunity for Sims to develop long-lasting sentiments between each other, which in turn affects how they feel and act in the presence of (or the absence of) another particular Sim. Unlike relationships between Sims, Sentiments can be a one-sided affair. When two or more Sims share an experience together, you may find that all, some, or none of them walk away from that moment having formed a lasting impression of the other Sims that were involved. The base game includes a wide variety of these Sentiments and Snowy Escape has additional ones tied to experiences within that pack.
Sentiments that have formed between Sims can be viewed in two locations. When socializing with another Sim, click on the heart-covered notebook that appears in the social UI at the top of your screen. Alternatively, you can view the Sentiments that exist between two Sims at any time within the new Sim Profile within the Relationship Panel. Read on for more information on this new Sim Profile ...
Have you ever gone to check out the other Sims in your Sims’ life, only to be greeted with an overwhelmingly large tooltip that extended from the tippy top all the way to the bottom of your screen? We certainly have, and we weren’t happy with it. There has to be a better way! ...And there is! Introducing: Sim Profiles! Within the Relationship Panel, you can now click on the portrait of any Sim and select “Open Sim Profile” for a full breakdown of all the info the active Sim knows about that Sim. It even includes those nifty new Sentiments everyone’s been talking about!
Skin Tone Update Console & Community Identified Issues
We saw your feedback about the October skin tones update and, to improve clarity and transparency, we shared a first look on Twitter of the fix in progress.
With this patch, the Console game gets the October fixes for texture compression, resolving the banding on the cheeks and foreheads as well as discoloration on the tip of the nose.
In addition, this patch addresses the two community-identified issues of red dots around the lips and a dark blotch between the eyes. The red dots around the lips should be completely resolved at this time. The dark blotch between the eyes was softened to remove the hard edge, but the darkening is expected as part of the shadowing around the nose.
Couldn’t we all use a good vacation right about now? Your Sims certainly could, and now they can go anywhere! The ability to go on a vacation to any of your worlds has been added to the game for all players along with the “Rental” lot type.
To vacation to a world, a rental lot must exist within it. Should you purchase Snowy Escape, you’ll find the residential world of Mt. Komorebi includes some pre-built rental lots - a ready getaway awaiting your Sims. If you prefer to vacation in another world (Sulani, anyone?), you’ll first need to enter Manage Worlds mode and update at least one of the lots within the desired world to become a rental lot.
During a vacation, if your Sims are lacking any necessities, they now can “Order Supplies Now” from the rental’s mailbox or from their phone. Happy travels!
We figured it’d be nice to give toddlers a pair of slippers to wear. So we did. Cozy feet!
S-Pop Radio Station
You may remember S-Pop (short for “Sim-Pop”) as a radio station in the City Living expansion pack. While the music tracks that originally came with that station will remain exclusive to City Living, the station itself is now available for all players with five new songs for all players to enjoy:
“keep on rocking” Performed by CHAI Written by Yuki Mizutani (p/k/a/ Yuki), Kanae Obata (p/k/a Kana) and Manami Obata (p/k/a Mana) Published by Sony Music Publishing (Japan) (JASRAC) Recording courtesy of Sony Music Japan by arrangement with Sony Music Entertainment
“Kanzen Houki Sengen (Simlish Version)” Performed by Nanawoakari Written by Nanawoakari & Tamaya2060 Published by Sony/ATV Music Publishing Recording courtesy of Sony Music Japan by arrangement with Sony Music Entertainment
“Part. 2” Performed by SASUKE Written by SASUKE Published by Warner Chappell Publishing Recording courtesy of Warner Music Japan Inc. by arrangement with Warner Music Group Video Game Licensing
“Ninhursag’s Tone” Performed by Unite Satisfy Written by Shintaro Aoki Published by Syn Songs Recording courtesy of NNN Records & Cross Groove/Syn Songs
“Harujion” Performed by YOASOBI Written by Takuya Shimizu (p/k/a Takuya) and Akira Tsubono (p/k/a Akira) Published by Sony Music Publishing (Japan) (JASRAC) Recording courtesy of Sony Music Japan by arrangement with Sony Music Entertainment
And now, onto the fixes:
The Sims 4
- Freelancer Sims now can complete Gigs they have signed up for and harvest the fruits of their labor. Simoleons, Simoleons, Simoooleons… SIMOOOLEOOONS.
- Does your Sim look bored all the time? Even when you think they are having fun, they look bored to you? Not a problem anymore. It’s been… taken care of.
- Calls Dropping? Is your Cell Phone behaving like a certain network is just not up to snuff? We have upgraded all Sims to Simgular - Llama’s Choice Network that does not allow Off-the-Grid shenanigans when your Sims are not Off-the-Grid.
- The NanoCan Touchless Trash Can has been recalled and fixed so now all your trash can be cash in a flash.
- Did you ever experience the Honey I Shrunk the Basil and Sage Plants issue in-game? No longer! \No Sage or Basil Plants were harmed in the fixing of this issue*.*
- Ever had Sims show up looking like a product of a bad makeover? Did your Debate Judge just show up to the debate wearing a mascot hat when they're not the mascot? Did your fellow Spellcasters show up in the Magic Realm wearing not so magical clothes? Say no more… We have applied a fix so that non-playable Sims can be a bit more appropriately coordinated in their outfits and per occasion.
- To explain a bit further, we created a much more robust set of internal tools that allows us to have greater control over the outfits that the Sims choose to wear in unique situations. We’ve improved a lot of the wacky townie fashion you’ve seen previously (it’s called fashion sweaty - look it up), but if you still see oddities - let us know. It’ll be an easier issue for us to “iron out” moving forward! Together, we can defeat the dreaded eyeball ring.
- Door lock settings now persist when Sims travel. That’s right! If I disallow everybody, it should stay that way when I travel… or when I exit the game… and the occasional restart, too... hmpf!
- Sims who have passed away no longer sometimes disappear from their Genealogy. This is not retroactive, so any Sims that already disappeared will not return.
- Sims no longer ignore the kitchen sink and dishwasher to wash their dishes in the bathroom sink. Okay.
- Oasis Springs’ World Map now shows lots in the correct locations. I see you, Yuma Heights - don’t be sneaky now.
- Sims now can propose to their beloved without rejection (congratulations!). On the same note, Sims with multiple romantic partners now can propose and marry one of them and not get sabotaged by their partners’ predicament of not being able to get married because they are employed together, even when they are not.
- Sims who have finished their workday now get back to things sooner instead of sometimes staring off into space.
- Ever wished your delicious food just never… ended? We thought we did until our Sims were unable to finish their meals. Now they are able to finish Eating Leftovers. They are leftovers, not leftFOREVERS.
- Sims sharing double beds now can Nap or Sleep in any combination. Sim A can nap and Sim B can Sleep… or Sim A can Sleep and Sim B can nap… or they can both Sleep… or nap… well, you get the picture.
- Shower Tubs now can be cleaned enough to be visibly squeaky-clean.
- Another one bites the dust. The issue that generated Error Code: 110:c875d8ff on game load has been fixed.
- Style Influencer Sims now perform Quick Sketch Impression without breaking the Digital Sketchpad. Be kind with your tools and toys.
- Removed incorrect Moodlets such as “Awkward Hug” when Unflirty Sims hugged kids. In the same fashion, we made sure Unflirty Sims no longer receive the “Witnessed Crass Act” Moodlet when parents and children hug or kiss cheeks.
- Adult Sims now Teach Blocks to their Toddlers. Learning in early life is important!
- Sims on vacation now can hire a Nanny and/or a Butler to take care of things while they are away.
- Toddlers no longer will show as “At Daycare” when they are taken back home via the “Care for Self” option. No Toddler clones here... you can’t be two places at once!
- Toddlers left at home while the rest of the household goes on Vacation now receive proper care and otherwise can join the Vacation. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. Toddlers deserve fun and relaxation in new places, too!
- Toddlers no longer get the “Silly Ocean” Moodlet from playing in rivers.
- Children once again can earn Adult skills. *sniff* They grow up so fast!
- Simmers in social events now get a warning when switching to a Sim in another neighborhood rather than the event cancelling automatically.
- Sims with enough Simoleons now can move into empty lots.
- Splitting households and then moving no longer causes an infinite load.
- We told Sims that they should probably not take 45 minutes to drink a single cup of Coffee. As you guys know, I am a coffee fiend, but nursing the same cup for that long is not in the coffee lover’s manual for enjoying fresh coffee.
- We met with our wonderful Sim Firefighters and came to the agreement that they now also will extinguish fires on wall objects such as paintings.
- Action progress bars no longer are interrupted when a new action is added to a Sim's queue.
- Sometimes items could disappear from your Sim's inventory after travelling. This should no longer happen. Where is my cup of coffee? Oh, okay, it is here….
- Sims no longer have Clay Blobs, Future Cubes, and/or Sketch Pads spawn infinitely in their Inventory. This felt like grabbing something out of Felix the Cat’s bag… just a never-ending bag of Clay Blobs, Future Cubes, and Sketch Pads… what did it all mean!? We may never know.
- Opening a stack of Inventory items and then going back now highlights the correct item.
- In reviewing items in Inventory, we realized that some item stacks were showing the number 99+ incorrectly on Multiselect. What’s the number? - Stomp, Stomp! - What’s the number? - Stomp, Stomp! - The number of the day… you’re about to see the number is the actual number of items you have! Ah ha ha. That’s the number of the day!
- Sims no longer endlessly play games such as Chess, Sabacc (if you own Journey to Batuu), Voidcritter Cards (if you own Kids Stuff), and your regular Card games. I could play with Meduso forever though… #Meduso4ever.
- Page Up/Page Down and Home/End Keys now work in Free Cam Mode.
- The Aspiration Panel now shows the gender of Sims regardless of whether they are active.
- Now only Gardeners autonomously remove wild plants. Sims with Green Fiend Trait (if you own Eco Lifestyle) were being a bit overly eager in removing plants everywhere, so the professionals will handle it from now on.
- “Listen To Together” on a Stereo no longer resets Sims.
- Sims no longer get “Poorly Decorated” and “Dismally Decorated” Moodlets when decorations are in the room. This applies to new Saves as it is not retroactive, but, my, how judgemental Lots were….
- Columns now can rotate 45 degrees and in Free Rotation. Spin them right round, Simmers, right round.
- The liveeditobjects cheat no longer surfaces items with broken thumbnails that were not meant to be part of that cheat. Pardon our dust.
- Shower descriptions in the catalog said they were “Uncomfortable.” Showers are meant to relax and be a place of meditation, so the catalog now says they provide “Discomfort Relief” unless the specific shower really is uncomfortable.
- The Subtle Saucer and the Super Subtle Saucer now have images that are more distinct from each other in the catalog. Super Subtle, Super Saucer.
- Removed the “Player Feats” door because it wasn’t really a door…
- Dishwashers The Professional Dish Laborer, Washer Pro Free-Standing Dishwasher (from Dine Out), and Industrial Dishwasher Unit (from Parenthood) no longer have a gap between counters.
- Digital World wall tiles have been polished. Shiny and new!
- Career-unlockable outfits no longer show up when filtering for Custom Content.
- Toddlers no longer have bald spots when zoomed out on Low Graphics Settings.
- Frayed jean ymBottom_EF13JeansFrayedCrop_Black no longer clips with several tops.
- Anniversary t-shirts yfTop_EF05ShirtTeeAnniversary and ymTop_EF05ShirtTeeAnniversary fit better on more body types.
- Sims with certain feminine frames now look better when wearing Pants or Full Body outfits.
- Fixed some Create a Sim item backgrounds.
- Selecting what you want to do next at the end of the tutorial on console no longer has the mysterious word "Label" in the background.
- Gallery filters no longer cut off some venue type names in some languages. This was particularly egregious for French and Brazilian Portuguese text.
- Game fonts got some spiffing up to keep all characters looking their best.
- As with every update, the localization team has tweaked, improved, and fixed text across all Packs and previous updates.
- Scientist Sims placing collected crystals and metals in their Laboratory no longer crash the game. Do you ever science so hard, the simulation crashes?
- The “Test Serum” action on a Scientist co-worker no longer causes an error.
- Stone Frame Window (window1x1_EP02TUDstoneFrame2Tile_set1), Holey Geometry (window1x1_EP02TUDLow_03_2Tile_set1), and King of Diamonds Classical Door (doorSingle2x1_EP02TUDHigh3Tile_set1) now place properly.
- Sims in Clubs with a Read rule now finish the books they choose to read. No cheating, my friends.
- Wearing their Earbuds (if you own Fitness Stuff) and participating in Club Gatherings no longer causes an error.
- Club affiliation on University Housing (if you own Discover University) now persists after entering Build/Buy Mode.
- Ultra Speed now works while Festivals are in progress. Some conspiracy can be said about Festivals wanting Simmers to enjoy them in all their glory… at a normal speed at every speed, but these are just conjectures… yes.
- Sims no longer read their mail aloud while conversing with their apartment neighbors. Talk about rude, right?
- “Read about Festival” now consistently displays festival information.
- Sims from specific San Myshuno neighborhoods now have more variety on their appearance.
- Stencils in Create a Sim (Pet) now consistently paint your furry friends without crashing.
- The holiday tradition New Skill Day now focuses on starting new skills and improving low level skills so skills that are maxed out don’t count.
- Toddlers who are inside during a blizzard and in a high chair no longer want to Run Inside, so their caretakers won’t take them out of the chair prematurely. You are safe little one; you are safe.
- Now all onions, carrots, mushrooms, potatoes, apples, tomatoes, and growfruits can be planted indoors during freezing weather.
- Plants no longer change their quality or evolve on their own after Sims traveling.
- Some Outdoor Plants that were stuck in summefall now turn brown and lose their flowers when winter starts.
- Sims now can book Vacations on the computer during holidays.
- Simmers who have disabled Rain and Snow no longer should see them during Mysterious Weather. Mysterious indeed.
- Male Sims now wear appropriate shoes when working as a Floral Designer or Botanist.
- The beanie hat cuHat_EP05BeaniePom now looks a bit better.
- Sims scheduling an event in the Calendar for a Rental Lot no longer end up in a Lot where they have not been greeted.
- Stans (“stalker fans”) and Kleptomaniac Sims no longer steal Pet food bowls or Cat litter. I have no words for this one. I have nothing.
- Sims with maxed out Atrocious Reputation now maintain their reputation when traveling. Atrocious you shall be forever.
- Conservationist Sims now Write Conservation Articles at the appropriate career level (level 4). On the same note, the task for Research Conservation now can be completed.
- Odd Jobs no longer get stuck in a state where Inventory and Build Mode cannot be accessed.
- We had long conversations with Island Celebration Participants and agreed that no random Sims should enter a Sim’s home without permission, barging in as if they owned the place. Excuse you, privacy, and property are a thing, you know?
- We chatted with the registrar at Britechester University and got them to agree that students should receive class time reminders before class instead of after. You’re welcome. Now, make sure you go on time, alright?
- School Spirit Day no longer schedules multiple instances at the same time. But… Did you know it is Spirit Day?
- Club gatherings no longer have Sims with their bikes indoors in a disruptive manner.
- Sims traveling long distances including stairs now properly walk the stairs and then hop their bikes and they don’t leave their bike behind. You can’t just abandon your bicycle - what about the poor bike’s feelings?
- Sims now properly get off bikes while on a slope.
- Lawyer Sims now File Court Documents as their tasks dictate at levels after 5. Just because you move up doesn’t mean you stop filing docs.
- Students in a different neighborhood from their University now go to school instead of work when choosing “Go to Class” from the Career Panel.
- Students now can receive only one merit scholarship per term.
- Sims no longer are listed as being at University when they are at home.
- The game no longer sometimes freezes when Sims enroll in University. We get that attending University is life-changing, but freezing a game is taking it a bit to extremes.
- Students now return to Campuses in their leisure time to cloud gaze and play Soccer in the surrounding areas of Britechester University and Foxbury Institute respectively.
- Sims jogging in an Exo-Mech suit no longer get fatigue-related Moodlets.
- For Eco Lifestyle Simmers, “Throw Away” and “Compost” now are available on piles of discarded food. The consequences of not having these were especially egregious at University Dorms.
- Sweatpants yfBottom_EP08LooseSweatpants now look better when paired with scarf yfTop_EP08SweaterScarf in Create a Sim.
- Recycle Disciple Sims without the Kleptomaniac Trait now swipe household objects less often. We get it, we are all trying to do our best for the environment, but going after your Dumpster was a bit too far… we kinda need that.
- Eco Footprints no longer change very quickly from “Green” to “Neutral.” Knox rejoices.
- Eco Footprints in Worlds no longer become Neutral when entering Manage Worlds.
- We had a chat with Eco Inspectors and they agreed that they should display the correct occupation from now on. And they shall be known as Eco Inspectors… forever.
- Bulldozing Pinecrest Apartments now is possible without damaging the lot.
- Harvestables obtained via a Dumpster no longer disappear from Inventory a few minutes later. Easy come, easy go… would you not disappear, though?
- Recycling is a wonderful thing. Recycling for Inventory exposed missing text on some Grand Meals, so we filled in those names.
- Toddlers living in Lots with the Reduce and Recycle Lot Trait mayyyybe were taking it a bit too far generating trash piles in their inventories. Put that down - No more trash in your pockets.
- Did your floor patterns experience a glow that never went away after selecting all of them? That’s not a problem anymore.
- The Wallpaper formerly known as sheetStandingSeam01GEN has been renamed to Corrugated Metal.
- The Fabricator’s Fabricated Couch (no dye) recipe now creates the correct item.
- Residential Wall Speaker is renamed to Venue Wall Speaker: Americana to accurately reflect its function and music.
- Venue Wall Speaker: Americana now looks correct with the neutral wood option.
- Women’s sandals yfShoes_EP09PlatformSandals now look better when paired with jumpsuit yfBody_EP09JumpsuitUtility.
- Men’s hairstyles ymHair_EP09CurlyBun_Black and ymHair_EP09CrimpedLong_Black have cleaner hairlines now.
- Sims no longer get up from their seats at restaurants randomly and create chaos by speaking to other patrons, grabbing food from their table, putting it somewhere else, and taking over the place by playing the piano or singing. But it was quite the show, wasn’t it?
- Xbox One Simmers now can edit Restaurant Staff Uniforms in Build Mode along with other Simmers.
- Vampire Spar no longer negatively affects Conflict resolution for Simmers with Parenthood.
- Spellcasters with all spells learned and maxed out no longer lose those when downloaded from the Library/Gallery Muscle memory perhaps?
- Create a Sim no longer has the less-than-attractive skin type that was intended only for cursed Sims as an option.
- Spellcasters have reviewed the terms of their “Always Transportalate” Spell and now can actually teleport anywhere, even places with stairs.
- Sims now are able to complete First Order or Resistance missions and then choose the Hope vs Order - First Steps Aspiration and complete all goals.
- The Lightsaber Collection plaque now has a proper name and description so you can display it with pride.
- The First Order sent a memo stating to change the First Order Blast Door to not accept any decals or wall decorations.
- Create a Sim asset yfBottom_GP09VillagerPatchVertical now goes better with different styles of shoes across multiple Packs.
- The Career Panel now displays the active Mission chosen from the Mission Panel.
- The game no longer freezes when Sims “Freshen up at the Dwelling” at Black Spire Outpost.
- Create a Sim asset yfBody_SP01SleevesFlutter_SolidBrown fits better when wearing Get to Work’s ymHair_EP01LongWavySwept_Platinum hairstyle.
- Movie night has been reclaimed! Sims now can watch complete films from start to finish without getting stuck in a never-ending loop… or I should say not in a Neverending Story? STTOOooooryyyyyYYYY.
- Create a Sim boots cuShoes_SP17BootsBuckled_SolidRedPin work better with jeans cfBottom_SP07JeansPrint_FloralBlueLt.
I’m pathetic and hate living.
My family is miserable. Nobody gets along with each other. I never willingly talk to anyone besides my 2 year old brother who I find to be the only real reason to keep going because I love him so much and stuff. I love my dad but he always had a short temper and whenever I made mistakes in the past couple years he’s gone off on me to the point to where I feel he no longer loves me and wants to throw me out. My stepmother has gripes with my dad about being controlling or whatever but whenever I make one simple mistake like I turned my back towards my dad a little too soon because he’s still trying to talk to me while I’m trying to do something he asked of me, she takes his side and acts like I’m the most ungrateful lazy piece that of shit, as if none of the constant fighting between the two of them never occurred. I’m always threatened with my computer and other gaming related electronics being taken away because I apparently “don’t act enough like a man” because I didn’t have a job or I didn’t stand up completely straight or didn’t look someone in the eye for a split second when someone tried talking to me, or I didn’t do enough around the house, or I got up later than 9:00AM, or I missed one too many calls. I’m always being lectured about not being good enough and I don’t want to impress them anymore because they’re the most deluded people I’ve known and everything I do is judged.
In September, I was threatened with being thrown out of the house for not having a job. One day I did something they didn’t like and it set them off and my stepmother made me go into town and look for jobs. They took my computer away from me which was the only thing I really used consistently on a daily basis. I looked in my town for jobs but nobody would hire me. I then was ordered to take the bus to the next town and find one. I spent about a week walking around town, place to place and asking for jobs with nothing else to do besides sit there and mope while I wait for some employer to email or call me with my feet hurting and the skin of the bottom of my toes peeling off. I eventually got a job at a restaurant. This was great and all but my stepmother wouldn’t let me have my computer until I got my first paycheck. The thing was that I got paid monthly, so I had to come home from work every day with nothing to do or look forward to.
Around the time I got the paycheck I finally got the computer back and everything was all fine and dandy again until I realized I couldn’t even cash my check because I don’t have a valid ID or a bank account. I had a learners permit but its been expired for 2 years. I never really learned how to drive at all, I only driven once inside of an empty parking lot. My family keeps pestering me about getting it but they won’t help me get it. I can’t learn to drive without a car but I can’t drive a car legally without a license and I can’t just take a car and teach myself to drive, right? Even then, I’d have to pay for bus fare to go to the DOL but I don’t have any money because nobody will let me cash my paycheck. I asked my family about having them cash it for me but they keep putting it off like they always do.
Today, I got off work and my family picked me up and got Taco Bell, my favorite fast food place. My brother was in the truck in his car seat and I sat next to him and it felt good. Then something went wrong again. We got out and my dad handed me his keys to unlock the door. I lost my key to the house months ago when I had it in my pocket when it fell out. I told them about this several times but they didn’t do nothing about it. Before my computer got taken, I accidentally broke my back door to my bedroom thinking it was unlocked when it wasn’t when I tried to open it because I forgot my mask for work. I didn’t tell them about it because they weren’t home at the time and tbh I forgot about it at one point and didn’t mention it. They were obviously pissed about that too, and when my father asked me about if I lost my key when he handed me his keys I said “Yeah. I told you guys like 7 times” and I walked away to unlock the door while my dad started asking me when I lost it. I paused and said “idk, months ago” and that really pissed him off because my back was turned and I was walking away from him while he was talking to me. He went on his usual rant that I shut my brain off for because he repeats himself a lot. Talking about how I’m always disrespectful and ungrateful for what he does for the family seeing that the house is always a mess and things break all the time.
IDK. I really just want to go back to sleep every day when I wake up and never have to wake up again so I don’t have to deal with the suffering that is the life we live. I find no real enjoyment in anything. I have no hobbies besides gaming and I’ve recently been getting burnt out of games all together which is something that never happens because I love video games and everything about that industry. I have no real reason to keep going in life because I have no passion or motivation. I work but I can’t even get the money from my check because I need to sign my life away to get a card that has all my personal info on it. I don’t see the point of trying anymore.
I feel like my existence is meaningless. That I don’t really matter at all. I feel like whatever happiness that was found in my life can no longer make me happy. I feel like Stan Marsh in that South Park episode after he turns 10 and sees that everything is shit. I know that last sentence seems silly but I genuinely don’t see the purpose of living this life if everything and everyone is gonna slap you in the face for trying to live a happy life. Nothing matters. Look at the world right now. The ‘rona is ruining everything and we can’t do anything to stop it.
During the summer, I was contacted by a marine recruiter. He did the whole spiel about benefits and what the armed forces is like and at one point I was actually considering enlisting, as I had felt that a war was soon coming thanks to China, and I had my personal issues with China(Uighurs in camps, them possibly creating COVID, them playing the long game in their attempts to take over the world for the worse,etc). I got on my computer and talked to my best friend about it who was in ROTC and considered joining the Marines because his brother joined and he loves guns and so on. He said not to do it because of the obvious reasons not to join, and told me second hand about his brother’s experience in the marines and his first hand experience in ROTC. I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t cut out for it. I wouldn’t be strong enough nor willing to have a staff sergeant yell at me for not having my bed perfectly made or being around obnoxious people all the time or getting injured or killed. I wanted to serve my country and get the benefits and the dog tags and medals and respect but at the end of the day what I really wanted was purpose. And I wasn’t willing to die for it, or go through pain and suffering of being a soldier, PTSD would be something I wouldn’t be able to deal with well considering how much I hate myself already and beat myself up for not being the person who i want to be. Plus, I would’ve been alone without my little brother. If I couldn’t see him or hold him or hear his voice for too long I’d want to jump off a skyscraper. I met up with the recruiter and told him I wasn’t interested. He understood, and gave me some advice on what to do next, and that the marine corps can help me with that with the benefits and money and stuff if I enlisted. Every day sincd then I felt regret for telling him no. Some part of me wanted to go really bad and fight communism or whatever and have a successful military career and finally get away from all the bullshit. I always enjoyed the concept of being a soldier in media but in reality it’s way different from that. The other part wanted to stay home and watch my brother grow up day by day, possibly get a good job and enough money to move out and be alone and play games with my friends on my computer in a small apartment in solitude. Almost every day I think about that day I told him no and how I really don’t know what I want to do with myself and with my life.
I had dreams of being a game dev, a studio head of a small indie team that made games out of love and passion and not for the sake of making millions in profits. I always wanted to be a rapper too, but I always doubted myself and never tried anything with it. I’m a white kid from the middle of Washington state who grew up in the suburbs playing video games, what could I contribute to that culture? My dad grew up on 90’s west coast rap and put me on hip hop as soon as I can remember. I remember my dad putting on The Documentary album and I was blown away by how rappers use words they way they do with the beats they pick and the lifestyle was so appealing to the younger version of myself. However, I never picked up the pen and wrote raps myself. But as I got older I realized that those careers aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. Lots of people who rap never make it, and people in the games industry work their asses off coding and are forced to crunch and work overtime with little to no compensation.
Sorry for the novel that I just wrote but I really don’t know what to do right now besides write this post. Hopefully tomorrow I wake up with a better attitude, because I hate feeling this way. I think that all the odds are unfairly stacked against me 24/7 as if someone is controlling my life like a game of the Sims. And that there’s no point in keeping going because what we’re told to do in order to achieve success and happiness is not worth the struggle I feel. I want to just sleep and dream forever in peace. Not that I’m suicidal or anything, but I feel like life has no meaning or purpose, at least mine doesn’t. I’m taking L’s left and right without an end in sight(there’s one good bar right there, i guess)Ok, I need to stop typing because my hands hurt and I’m just gonna go on and on about how miserable I am when I think I already made that point. There’s so much I could write on here to further make my point but I already went on for too long.
Thanks to whoever decides to take time to read and ocomment on this. I hope your attitude is in a better state than mine is right now. Have a good one.