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Dream House purchase story with Neville's methods
This one is a big one, and was logically close to impossible. It also doesn't involve any financial windfall or gifts - it just worked - see below.
This is also a story with a strict timeline. I will add a link to the job + car story later.
(Edit - added some relevant comment/answers to the bottom of this post - as some of you had further good questions)
After going through some financial difficulties for many months, we were renting a flat nearer to a school. I was out of work for a time and had recently got a good job on a one-month trial basis with possibility to have a confirmation by the end of the next month (July in this case). I will write that job story later and link it.
All of a sudden, my landlord texted me, one-month notice to vacate because he wants to stay in the flat. I had 30 days to vacate.
My family got real freaked out. Kid's school was a key factor and every rental place nearer to the school was either gone or too expensive (with us running low on cash). We still registered with real estate agents and started looking for a rental. Remember this story is about a purchase of a dream house. I knew if I mentioned the word 'purchase', my family, esp my partner would consider me mad. We saw a few places and finalised one rental property.
I decided something else. In my mind, I decided to shameless, fearlessly think of a house purchase. No confirmed job, very low cash, no family gifts, with a landlord asking to vacate in 30 days. I decided to ignore that. I decided to keep this topic to myself (for the fear of being labelled crazy!).
One Thursday, I got a text alert from an estate agent for a viewing for a rental property. I just realised that I forgot to tell them that we had already finalised a rental property. Their website said all cancellations would need a 24 hour notice. Nope. Too late. Since the property was just 1-mile away, I decided to honor the appointment. I didn't have a car those months (link coming soon on that story). And I had to pick my kid just before.
So - deep breath - reached the school, picked up kid, took a bus for the 1-mile journey as a walk with kid would take much longer.
When we reached the property, I realised my mistake. It said 'for sale'. This was one of the properties I clicked while browsing 'for sale' properties and really had forgotten to cancel. I took another deep breath and decided to still see it. My kid was desperate to use the toilet - so we requested if we could - we climbed the stairs to the toilet.
I looked at the walls, the tiles, the stairs to the toilet. Later we saw it had 3 living rooms, 3 bed rooms, huge kitchen rebuilt just 2 years ago, huge conservatory, 2 bathrooms, wide garden, and 1 mile away from the school and the train station. It did not have parking but there was ample street parking as a cul-de-sac location. It was the last property in a row of houses that gave great privacy from road traffic/noise, and has a narrow canal about 300m away (far enough to be safe (flood insurance was nearly nil), but near enough to give a nice beautiful view from upstairs).
I fell in love. We all fell in love with the house.
And then we realised - we can't afford it.
Banks won't give us mortgage in our current condition. And we had committed to a great rental property the last week (which will need a deposit too).
My partner said - well, great to have seen this. Let's go home.
I felt the kitchen counter, and in my mind, made a coffee. I felt each stair while climbing. I remembered as much detail as I could - I was in am different world.
First, I imagined that my partner will keep cool when I proposed submitting an offer. It was okay. We submitted an offer 25k less than the market value. No response for a day. I decided this is a great time to practice every technique told by Neville. I felt good that our offer was accepted - in reality, I got a response yes it was.
Step 2 - apply for various checks, agency checks, legals and biggest of all - mortgage.
That night landlord asked me a confirmation on vacating date. I didn't reply. Instead, I visualised we have a mortgage confirmation. Countdown, SATS, plus some letting go. The next morning, I mustered courage and texted the landlord - can we please stay here for one more month as we are not able to move sooner.
2 days went by with no response.
Each time I felt worried, I breathed deep, did some Neville's techniques (many of them as listed in this group - but imagined, SATS and let go was the gist). I remembered the saying in one of his books - there is no such thing as a little pregnancy - it is done. Heard Neville's voice talking about Abdullah (on YouTube)
I felt the kitchen counter, made a coffee, felt the stairs, the toilet appearance. In my mind. And let go.
Landlord agreed for a month's extension. I sent a refusal to the rental property we had confirmed (to avoid paying deposit on the rental). It was scary but we did it. That night I felt really scared of being homeless but then looked up at the ceiling and started 'feeling' being in the new house. I also did SATS that night to feel the paper in which my job confirmation would be given.
I got my confirmation on the job 2 weeks before due. I literally danced in my mind.
Promptly submitted the documents to the bank and the lawyers. Now we are in Aug. Two clerical staff on each side went on holiday delaying paperwork. (Amazing call in which one piece of paper needed to be 'faxed' to the bank and staff had to scan to PDF from fax as per their steps - who uses fax these days! and what silly processes - 10 days further delay after which I scanned a PDF directly to the bank which was accepted with so-called manager approval). Those 10 days were hell but each moment I decided to be calm, smiling, focused on new mental thoughts - it was tough but well - I wanted to be in the new house.
I felt the kitchen counter, made a coffee, felt the stairs, the toilet appearance. In my mind. And let go.
Now we are at the very last week - no confirmation - landlord said no further extension of date. School will re-open in Sep. Job becoming busier.
I asked the landlord if we could dump our luggage in the garage and vacate. Also checked storage solutions in case he said no. He said yes.
I asked a neighbour friend who was moving house and had 1 week to spare, if we could stay in their house. He said yes but his landlord asked for a small rent - it was cheaper and physically closer than a hotel. I was at my wits end but kept visualising, feeling the kitchen counter, the steps, and the toilet appearance as those were the things I remembered to feel. I was in the new house in my mind. We were literally living our of 3 suitcases with everything else in the garage (which had minor flooding from a roof leak but just one box damaged). This was with full time job and school started too.
Council asked me to change address - I had no new address - the online form wouldn't allow me to proceed unless I filled a new address (else I would still be responsible for local taxes even after vacating). I literally put 'moving to friend's place' in the online form instead of a new address. The form submitted but their staff picked it up and sent a letter saying I have 14 days to confirm a new address before losing residence rights.
Banks started doing extra checks due to my no job situation earlier.
Bank - lawyers - job - estate agents - school started - deep breath. Felt the house. I literally felt Neville & Abdullah speaking to me about Barbados.
I felt the kitchen counter, made a coffee, felt the stairs, the toilet appearance. In my mind. And let go.
As a last resort, assuming all fell through and we lost money (and may even sue the bank for the delay), I decided to start looking for rental properties (in case this was delayed by more than a month). This helped me let go. Most properties were gone (school starting makes properties go away).
We got a confirmation for a move the coming Wednesday. Our stay with the neighbour's empty place (low rent to landlord) ended on Monday. New tenants were coming to his property on Tuesday. Whoa...
I decided to clean the property well for the tenants. Had moved things from one garage to another (super physical work and really tired) - slept thinking of the new house. The next morning, I asked a friend for a night's stay - he was super helpful. His kids go to the same school. Spent Tuesday night.
Wednesday at 12 noon, we got keys to the new house. Since this was rushed, the previous owners didn't have time to do the last cleaning but I didn't care.
We were in our dream house! We were in our dream house! We were in our dream house!
I felt the kitchen counter, made a coffee, felt the stairs, the toilet appearance. In my mind. And let go.
Do you think these were mere coincidences? How many things had to coincide to make this happen? Really practised everything Neville each day.
Edit - copied some relevant comments/answers to make this more complete as some of you had further good questions - I have thanked the users and given link to the actual comments:
- Did I have a loan? Yes the bank mortgage
- How did I manage the deposit? Full comment link here. Thanks mashed-potato for the question
- By offering lower than market price, thus reducing the deposit amount - we couldnt have managed any more
- By using the rental deposit and refusing the rental deposit for the other new property
- By postposing the purchase of a car and using the sale from the last car - dwindling amount but we were scraping every little available amount here
- By offering the lowest possible deposit to the bank - which is why it was so unsure that they will accept - some banks say it outright at the application stage but this one gave us an acceptance in principle subject to further checks which they did
- And what was the feeling like when you clicked on the For Sale property? Thanks YoungerElderBerry for the question
- Full comment link here. When I was looking for, 'For Sale' properties, I really wanted to feel free - free from landlords, free from rentals, free in my own house, free of cramped living space, free of noise. I was looking for spacious rooms, garden - I was looking for silence from traffic (previous apartment was very close to the main roads). I fell asleep in that feeling a few times - even before we visited this place. Initially I thought it will happen after a couple of years. Neville stories really helped (such as the one about Dr M and the apartments).
- Having a plan B is helpful for 'letting go' - I was never thinking of plan B but it helped removed 'desperation' from the main focus.
- Question, did you do your visualization every time you had a negative thought? Thanks Raveenasma for the question
- Full comment link here. For the negative thoughts, my first response was to do a deep breath. It was not possible to visualise until I was at home or in a place I could focus. When possible, I thought how Abdullah told Neville to not even entertain the idea of failure. (Remember Abdullah slammed the door - you are already in Barbados! he said to Neville - story available widely in his books and talks).
(PS - am not a coach nor guru - please don't DM - comments very welcome if you want to discuss)
Album of the Year 2014 #1: Joyce Manor - Never Hungover Again
Hello everyone and welcome to Album of the Year 2014, a retrospective, daily write-up series for the month of September where the users of indieheads go in-depth on their favorite albums released six years ago. Why 2014 you might ask? Well, we wanted to slowly go back and cover the years we missed since the series started in 2015, and it just so happens that the year before 2015 was 2014. Very odd. Nevertheless, it’s u/ReconEG here as I’ll be looking at Joyce Manor’s landmark third album, Never Hungover Again.submitted by IndieheadsAOTY to indieheads
July 22, 2014 — Epitaph
Joyce Manor are an indie rock/pop-punk band hailing from Torrance, California, located in the South Bay (southwestern) region of Los Angeles County, California. Conceived in a Disneyland parking lot, Joyce Manor originally started out as an acoustic duo between lead singeguitarist Barry Johnson and lead guitarist Chase Knobbes in 2008 before the band soon picked up Matt Ebert as their bassist and Kurt Walcher as their drummer for the first core lineup of the band we know today.
After releasing their debut album, Joyce Manor, in 2011 to critical acclaim following a lengthy amount of hype due to their live shows + early singles, Johnson was at an impasse. With the self-titled, Johnson had a plethora of songs he wrote to choose from when it came time to record that album, but in 2012 after Asian Man Records approached the band about putting out an album on their label, Johnson and the band quickly rushed into the studio with not a lot comparatively. The result? Of All Things I Will Soon Grow Tired, a hot mess of a record that splices together the catchy and hard-hitting pop punk they became initially known for, lo-fi demos that range from the acoustic to GarageBand electronics, and a cover of the Buggles “Video Killed the Radio Star” that is also one of the greatest cover songs ever made.
In an interview with Kerrang last year breaking down every Joyce Manor album, Johnson said two of the following things:
“I just do not know what I’m doing,” the frontman admits. “I’m being pulled in all kinds of different directions. It sounds like I’m having an identity crisis on that record, and I was.” With a smirk, he adds, “I think we could’ve used a psychologist there to help us through that.”After Of All Things, Johnson felt Joyce Manor needed a fresh start. While he was in the early stages of writing, Knobbes was returning home from Santa Cruz while staying at his girlfriend’s place for a bit, who went to college in the area. “While she was in school all day, he would just smoke weed and play guitar,” said Johnson in that previously mentioned Kerrang interview. “And he got way better at guitar by doing that.” So, by combining Chase’s guitar parts and Barry’s songs, the band knew they had something special even before they started recording.
Recorded over the course of a week with producer Joe Reinhart, Johnson stated in his Reddit AMA earlier this year that it was the most fun Joyce Manor album to make, saying “It was just a week long party. It got stressful towards the end when stuff wasn’t coming together right and I was struggling to sing well (I had been partying for a week straight lol) but I think you can hear how much fun we are having playing and how excited we are about the songs on that album.” Released on legendary punk label Epitaph on July 22, 2014, the album was released to critical acclaim, later becoming one of the most defining albums in the most recent emo revival and the torch bearer for pop/emo-punk albums to come.
Review by ReconEG
For an album I’ve listened to nonstop for the past year, I still have trouble finding the words to about Never Hungover Again. Almost everything I write for this series is a challenge in some way or another, digging deep down to try to articulate what’s bouncing around in my head when listening to music. If this is what it feels like to write about music, I can’t imagine what it feels like trying to write music itself. It’s something frontman Barry Johnson has struggled with for most of his career, as, to put it simply, he doesn’t know how to write songs, or at the very least, didn’t know how to for a while. I’ll just let this bit from SPIN’s feature on Joyce Manor in 2016 speak on this:
Turns out, Joyce songs have been historically short not out of principle, but necessity, since Johnson simply didn’t have any other way to write. “I think it truly [came] from my lack of knowledge of arranging,” the singer says of his previous tendency to write timeout-length rock songs. “I don’t have some ethos about it. If the song is great for six minutes, then that’s great.” He credits [Rob] Schnapf with supplying him the tools to stretch his songs beyond the two-minute mark. “I didn’t know that, like, if you do two verses and then a chorus then a verse then a chorus, you can get more choruses out of the song, ‘cause you delayed the first chorus. I didn’t know that trick.”And yet, despite this lack of knowledge at arranging, Johnson has proven to be one of the great songwriters of his generation, as he’s able to articulate these very intense memories and moments of his life into songs that can speak to just about anyone. The lyrics of Never Hungover Again are hyper-specific at time & occasionally hard to grasp but yet, they just fucking hit you right in the heart. Above all else though, these songs are just fun to listen to. It’s a special quality that maybe only a few artists/bands have had over the decades from Robert Smith, the Smiths, early Weezer, and maybe the occasional blink-182 song.
I came to this album pretty late though, only in early 2019 by chance seemingly when I was coming off of the last album I wrote about for this series, Lomelda’s M For Empathy (Both of these albums have much more in common than you think! And no I will not expand on this). While I’m going to imagine a lot of these write-ups coming up this month are going to be about albums people loved/listened to at the time, this one is going to be different. Or is it though? As despite this album coming out right when indieheads was beginning to take off, there were no posts about it. In fact, it wasn’t really until 2016 maybe that pop-punk/emo was finally beginning to have their moment on the subreddit, as artists like Jeff Rosenstock and eventually the Hotelier made me realize oh hey, this pop-punk and emo stuff ain’t that bad!
For a while, I resisted pop-punk. Even in my youth, the farthest I’d go down the pop-punk/emo road was probably My Chemical Romance, as most of the pop-punk bands I’d heard at the time were lame to me. I was too busy listening to Breaking Benjamin to give that blink-182 shit a chance. And here’s the thing: even after eventually falling in love with Jeff Rosenstock’s WORRY. in 2016, it still took me some time to finally embrace pop-punk. I literally saw Joyce Manor in 2017 and had so much fun yet I was still on the fence about liking this genre! And for what? Because I thought I would look lame or something? God, I was so dumb.
This isn’t to say that I’m a big pop-punk fanatic though, as I’m still hesitant about much of the genre. However, me getting into Never Hungover Again last year is the moment where this genre truly clicked for me. And with the extra flavors of more power pop and indie rock influences? Baby, you got the perfect stew of quintessential rock music. I mean for God’s sake, “Christmas Card” is the god damn opener of this album, okay! It truly does not get better than this! But it almost couldn’t have been. On Twitter, Ian Cohen revealed that Joyce Manor originally planned for “Christmas Card” to be the outro, until Epitaph boss Brett Gurewitz stepped in and told them to do the opposite. Either he, or the band in reaction to this decision decided to rework the entire sequence of the album as soon after in a reply to Cohen, they revealed the original tracklist which is just… so fucked up.
Like, the album was originally going to be titled In the Army Now and “In the Army Now” was gonna intro the album? I’ll get to it in a bit how it might be my favorite on the album because it’s the ideal deep cut, but it’s exactly that: a deep cut. Additionally, blowing your load early and sticking “Catalina Fight Song” on side A? “Falling in Love Again” on side B? If I end up talking about this album mostly in its tracklist order, could you really blame me, knowing how it could have ended up? But forreal, whoever fixed the tracklisting on this album whether that’d be the band, Brett, or someone else: fucking thank you. Instead of putting together a pretty solid pop-punk/emo/power pop album, you instead put together the most ideal fusion of those genres ever put to wax.
Okay, enough preamble, let’s just get fucking into it. “Christmas Card” is once again, a hell of a god damn opener. It is physically impossible for me to not scream along to the song’s opening lyrics either literally or internally, it just reverbates around in my car or in my skull. A lot of Never Hungover Again is about yearning, and it’s maybe on this song where Barry yearns the hardest. And not only is it about yearning, it’s about aging and yearning. About reaching the point where your body can no longer keep up with you like it used to. I mean, is “your body's saying isn't that enough / your brain is going i don't give a fuck” not the most apt line ever written about aging out of your 20’s?
The ideal album intro is the thesis of the entire record. Every theme going forward should be introduced or hinted at in here. Never Hungover Again is about a lot of things but what is it mostly about? As I mentioned, yearning. 'Lotta yearning on this album. Also as I said, the difficulties of growing up. As Barry Johnson said, and I repeat, “your body's saying isn't that enough / your brain is going i don't give a fuck.” But what this album is most importantly about is the hyper-specific moments in your life that affect everything. The unique times and people you meet along the way that change the trajectory of everything. I don’t think I’ve ever heard something along the lines of “You treat it like a game of skill / But it’s more like a work of art / Or money in a Christmas card” before this album, but I know exactly what it means. Love isn’t some sort of game like chess, it’s a piece of art you need to work at and cherish. But sometimes love is just about all the small things, true care truth brings. Sometimes it’s money in a christmas card and other times it’s roses by the stairs, surprises let me know she cares.
But if you want to talk about yearning? And I mean real yearning, it doesn’t get better than “Falling in Love Again.” There’s a reason this is their second most popular song on Spotify, as it’s about the pitfalls of falling in love in the death of sincerity in your young adulthood. I can’t tell you when I last looked at a high school yearbook but when I did, I definitely felt like I needed a long amount of time to collect myself and stop thinking about every single mistake I made from the ages of 15 to 18. The again in this song signifies that this isn’t the first time Johnson has had these mental blocks when beginning to see somebody, and it sure as hell won’t be the last as the song drifts off into an echoey cave of “Then come down to collect it.”
But just as you think this album might be Joyce Manor fully pulling away from their roots once you get into “End of the Summer” (a great song but sadly I have to have some restraint as this review is already going to be far too long), you get into the quartet of bangers: “Victoria”, “Schley”, “Heart Tattoo” and “The Jerk.” All songs that feature some of the best guitar lines Chase Knobbes has ever wrote, all songs that really show off Barry’s lyrical skills spinning these hyper-specific moments into ever relatable songs, and all songs that highlight the chemistry the rhythm section has here as Matt Ebert is a seriously underrated bassist and Kurt Walcher still might be the best drummer they’ve ever had (though, they’ve never had a bad drummer, as both Pat Ware and Jeff Enzor are tremendous).
“Heart Tattoo” was the first Joyce Manor song I ever heard and was always my short song to go to when I worked in college radio and I needed something to get me into the next hour at the perfect time. I have never been in the situation that Johnson was in where I had to take off my screen door to get into my house, but I sure as hell have been on some shitty dates where there’s no spark which just makes Johnson’s misadventures in carpenting add a ton to “Victoria.” “Schley” features some of the best lines on the album with “Like old friends who never ask ‘How can you be happy when you wear all black?’ / And they care because they wanna,” “Like your name, the way it looks carved into the cover of a telephone book / I don't care, I'm never gonna / It sounds better when you're high on marijuana / Yeah right, in my head / Yeah right, am I right in my head?” and “It feels weird like a really weird movie” which is just the perfect clunky line along with Ebert’s sick ass bass work in the beginning verse of this song. And then “The Jerk” which honestly I don’t have much words about other than to say it’s the greatest song of all time like every other song on Never Hungover Again.
In Barry Johnson’s AMA earlier this year, u/logansn0w asked if he had a favorite misheard lyric in which Barry replied “I have a least favorite misheard lyric.” Of course, he’s talking about the famous opening line to “Catalina Fight Song,” of which Barry is singing “Sunken city by the ocean” but because of the song’s fast pace and his Southern California drawl, many have misheard it as “Suck a titty by the ocean.” While Barry implies that this is his least favorite misheard lyric, he absolutely has to have sung this instead at some shows, there’s no way he hasn’t. I do wish sometimes that the song wasn’t overshadowed though by it’s famous misheard lyric as it’s one of the biggest rippers in their discography, surviving the tough balancing act between their rabid origins and current, cleaner sound. There’s also some incredibly vivid imagery here about teenage debauchery and depression along with a line about Target that hurt my feelings very much. I think you should apologize, Barry Johnson.
Oh and hey remember when I said “In the Army Now” might be my favorite song on the album? Erase that shred of doubt because it absolutely is the best on the album. Featuring some of the most biting words and vivid imagery Johnson has ever put to sing, this song really is just a masterpiece. Whether or not the army in this song is literal or metaphorical, it doesn’t matter. The pain you can feel in Johnson’s voice as he reminisces about these past times with his former love just breaks you to your core. While the Smiths influence on this album is apparent all over, it really comes together the best here as there’s no weird sidebar about being with your farmyard friends or whatever: this is true-blooded melodrama as lines like “Where were you when you felt left out? / It's all shit for families anyway,” “I wanna kiss you through your hockey mask” and” I always knew you'd leave me someday / I always knew you'd have to go / I always knew you'd join the army” just pierce your soul like nowhere else on the album. While yearning and longing are essentially the same thing, they take up different spaces in my mind and if you have to describe any song as about longing on this album, it’s “In the Army Now.”
While the tetralogy in the album’s middle part are largely about the awkward times of your mid-20s, the album’s last three songs seem to be largely looking back to your teenage years, where you initially made that promise to never get hungover again as the album’s namesake. All these songs serve as different kinds of send offs to different kinds of people, some you were close to, some that betrayed you, and some you never were and never wish to be close with ever again, the latter being the subject(s) of “Heated Swimming Pool” featuring a particularly honest and brutal line in “I wish you would have died in high school / So you could be somebody's idol.” But these are all thoughts that stayed inside of Johnson’s head, never exiting his mouth as he sat next to you by the heated swimming pool, a sign of class he’ll never be able to reach but maybe, just maybe he can fake it in front of your friend’s going off to the Ivy League.
There’s a line in the new Microphones album, Microphones in 2020 that’s particularly stuck with me in regards to this song. “We'd go up on the roof at night and actually contemplate the moon / My friends and I just trying to blow each others' minds / Just lying there gazing, young and ridiculous / And we meant it, our eyes watering.” Basically, take this line, dumb it down, add two or three specific Southern California references, and then a weird diatribe about a girl and you’ve got what Never Hungover Again is all about. In what should be the last hoorah before true adulthood, it instead becomes a terrible evening where you reminisce over the worst moments of your life as you swear the next morning you’re never gonna drink again, or not like that at least. And before you even realize, you stop breaking your loose promises once and for all.
And that’s really the story of Joyce Manor after this album. While they aren’t the hard partiers they used to be, you can tell they’re at peace, much more so than before. Even if they’re much more thoughtful about their work today (for better or worse), it’s nice to see them age gracefully. However, there’s always going to be a part of me that misses this side of Joyce Manor, right when they were beginning to hit their stride from a technical perspective while still happily unaware of pop song structures but somehow putting together some of the catchiest and hook-filled songs ever committed to record. I’ve forgotten to mention this throughout this review but holy shit this album is filled to the brim with hooks. I could probably hum most of this album by memory which can only be blamed so much on its length.
Never Hungover Again finally clicked with me at a time where for the first time in a while, I felt some true happiness. Just as Barry Johnson was finally putting away the past once and for all, it felt like I was too at the same time. While I still have a couple of more years left in my 20’s to really fuck things up, I think living in the midst of a global pandemic & a growing recession has really showed me that oh yeah I’m growing up way sooner than I expected and you know what? I’m kind of relieved. Maybe it’s being in a really happy & healthy relationship or knowing what I’m doing once I get out of school, but the idea of Never Hungover Again isn’t just meant in a literal sense. When Mark Hoppus sang “I guess this is growing up” he had no idea what the fuck he was talking about because he would go on to write “I Really Wish I Hated You” in his 40s. However when Barry Johnson sings about the ideas that encompass what being never hungover again truly means, there’s much more sincerity and honesty there.
So, whether you consider this the peak of the most recent emo revival, a great pop-punk record, or just another WeezeSmiths rip-off, Never Hungover Again truly feels like everything that has come before in the history of punk, and setting the stage for what has come after. Or it’s just an album about the love/hate relationship Barry Johnson has with the city of Torrance, California and its current/former residents. Whatever your cup of tea is.
Looking for the keys to the truck
It's too sad
So watch out, you're in danger
I wanna see what's going on
Where were you when you felt left out?